


Safe Place

by TheFratelliEffect



Category: Deadmau5 (Musician), Skrillex (Musician)
Genre: Drug Addict Joel, Eventual Smut, M/M, Orphan Sonny, Underage Sonny, but it's not bad at all, it was the first smut i ever wrote haha
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 11:56:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 34,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8577631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFratelliEffect/pseuds/TheFratelliEffect
Summary: Sonny Moore had no life. No family. No friends. Nothing. So, he decided to run away. Naturally, having no knowledge of what the world is like, he ends up dying on a park bench. However, just like in the movies, an angel arrives and saves him. His angel who happens to be a dead beat, high school drop out, struggling to make it as a DJ while also dealing with his past battles with cancer. What will happen when Sonny decides to follow him home?





	1. Freezing

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So, I wrote this while I was in high school, and I definitely am not now. It's pretty old. It's been completed for a while, and I feel like it absolutely would fit in here. Note, I'm not going to edit anything unlike Death's Muse because my writing style was so, so different back then. It would take probably a year or so because I'd have to rewrite it. Nobody wants to wait that long. I hope you enjoy this weird little thing I wrote when I was like fifteen!

It was utterly, entirely freezing. The cold wind bit at the teenager's pale, exposed neck as he leaned forward on the freezing park bench. It was just beginning to snow, which wasn't a good sign. The only sound beside the howling wind was the teenager's chattering teeth. He couldn't stop shaking as he sat stationary, bent almost in two. His long, black mane of hair fell over his face. His wide, green eyes were rammed completely shut as his hands scurried up and down his colorless, shivering arms, hidden beneath a simple, black jacket. The light jacket was the only kind of warm clothing he had to his name, but it was nothing compared to the blistering cold.

The boy could not recall in his mind any point in his desolate, bleak life in which he had ever been any more cold. He even tried to think of a worse situation he could possibly be in at this moment, but that was impossible. He was outside, barely fourteen years old, and freezing to death on a park bench in a strange place by himself. He had no home, no family, no friends, no money, and he was completely and utterly alone.

He started to cry softly, tears rolling from his eyes, down his nose and onto the frozen ground. He pulled the sleeves of his jacket over his pale hands and pressed them over his watery, crying eyes hopelessly, like that alone could calm his aching heart. It wouldn't. He was even aware of this as he desperately tried to wipe away the tears like that would instantly clear away the sadness.

His pretty hands moved more quickly as his soft crying increased substantially. The boy had very, very beautiful, delicate hands as if they had been carved by white soap. They were incredibly feminine, and the teenager absolutely hated that, causing him to always hide his hands inside the cotton sleeves of the stinking jacket he always wore. He was the only person in the park, so he knew crying would get him no where further. The only defense mechanism he had was to cry. Cry and cry and cry. It was a release.

"Why did I run away?" He wondered as his soft sobs became louder and more painful, echoing off the dusted, snowy trees back into his head like a broken record. He hoped that somebody, anybody could hear him, and that they'd arrive, magic heroicness and all, and save him. That they'd scoop the innocent boy into their arms and fly away, taking him to a very safe and very warm place.

Very safe and very warm.

Even years ago, the teenager had wished for a superhero or something like that to save him from what his life was. To save him from his parents. To save him from the foster home. To save him from the loneliness he felt. As the years wore on, and the boy was forced again and again to feel the cold, unloving pinch of society, to be rubbed with the disappointment of not being saved time after time, the image of a superhero had de-evolved from that of something like Superman to simply a regular person. Everyday, the child would imagine a blank-faced human walking into the foster home he happened to be in at that time, taking him in his arms, almost like a princess and leading him off to a life of happiness with a real family.

The thought of this made the now teenager cry even harder as he laid back on his back on the park bench. The cold seeped from the frozen metal onto his back. He would never be saved. If heroes were real, why hadn't one saved him yet? The cold sank through his thin body and into his chest that shook with sobs, rattling his bones with sadness and freezing particles of the night air.

The teenager laid there, watching the sky. Snow landed in his mass of black, tangled hair, but it didn't melt. He couldn't remember a time he had been outside in the snow like this. He did not go outside all that much. Maybe that's why he was so terribly cold. He whimpered, rolling onto his side, pulling his knees to his chest and tucking them inside the jacket. He pulled his arms into his black, cotton jacket and wrapped his arms around his skinny legs, attempting any sort of warmth from his body heat. The boy snuggled himself into a tight ball, tucking his face inside his jacket, his tears slowly coming to a hault.

It wasn't that he was done being sad. The teenager, still new to life, could never find a time to be done with sadness. His whole life had been one series of unfortunate events, and that alone was very sad indeed because the boy had so much potential, so much talent, and it had all been wasted on a terrible childhood. He simply stopped crying because he ran out of tears.

The boy could feel sleepiness pull at him, beckoning him to fall asleep. He wondered whether that was real sleep or death from the cold. Shivering hollowly, he closed his eyes on the park bench. His teeth were still rattling and the snow was still falling when he fell asleep. It gathered on his side, turning his black clothes dusty white.

Perhaps, if little Sonny Moore had been left there the whole night through, he would have died simply in his sleep. He would have passed on, his blood freezing and his heart becoming quiet, but Sonny was not left alone because even in the darkest of times, heroes arrive to escort you to a warm, safe place.

Even if they don't look like heroes.


	2. Deaf

When morning arrived, the snow had stopped falling. During the past night, the city had only received about a quarter of an inch of snow, which, after the first cars passed on their commutes to work, turned from brilliant, pristine white to dingy gray. The only snow that still remained white was the snow that had fallen over the park on the center of the city. Because of the small amount of traffic that went through the park, the snow that had graced over the grassy landscape was left perfectly untouched and white.

Even on the sleeping lump of a person on a park bench.

Sonny Moore was curled into a ball just like how he had fallen asleep. Throughout the night, the snow had gathered in his black, tangled man of hair that surrounded his face. His face had lost the majority of what natural color had been left, only to be replaced by a cold red tint on his nose and cheeks brought on by exposure.

When the boy had fallen asleep, he only had his light jacket. But now, as the young body stirred back to life, there was something heavier on him. Something warmer. Sonny twitched, pulling himself out of a freezing night's sleep. His dreams had only been of angels and super humans, something he knew simply did not exist. He, however, could not keep himself from desperately wishing for a hero every single night when his tired eyes fell asleep.

Sonny had been counting on death. Being as cowardly and timid as he was, Sonny, no matter how depressed, could never bring himself to suicide. Not even as he sat on the bench outside of the office in his old group home, listening with his hands between his knees to whatever foster family was bringing him back this week. He could only cry, wishing he could be good enough for somebody. Wishing that people weren't scared of the small scars he had on his cheeks and other parts of his malnourished body from when he was a child. Wishing that some family would love him despite the various mental ailments and trust issues that surrounded the poor boy from his terrible childhood. He wished that anybody could love him.

That just never seemed to happen.

He twitched one more time, his knees tight to his chest. He murmured once in his sleep, a very soft noise that wasn't even a word, and then, he opened his eyes. The teenager's green optics, widened in the morning light. There was a dusting of snow on the ground and in the trees. The first thing Sonny thought about that morning was how lovely the park looked, almost like something on a postcard.

The next thing he noticed was the warmth surrounding him up to his neck. It was a heavy warmth too, and it certainly had not been their last night. Sonny turned his head slightly and saw something orange and red over his body. At first, he had a hard time identifying the lumpy, warm mass covering him. The inside was warm and soft, like fur, but the outside was slick, and it looked like plastic.

It was a winter coat.

A very heavy winter coat at that. Sonny was confused. He hadn't fallen asleep with this coat, obviously. Where had it come from? Sonny blinked again, his eyes adjusting as he sat up, pulling the coat up with him.

And then, his eyes fell on the person on the other side of the bench.

He had probably been there the whole time, sitting on the bench, petting the black and white cat perched on his lap. Sonny noticed how he was only wearing a black hoodie. It didn't seem very warm. Was this his coat? Sonny sat up, and this was when he got a better look at the other man.

He couldn't be very old at all. Nineteen? Twenty? Somewhere in that range. He was wearing a black baseball cap over very, very thin and short blonde or maybe light brown hair. It was hard to tell. The man was very pale, almost sickly, Sonny noticed, and his hands were very bony. Sonny wondered how well this man ate. The young man at the end of the bench paused, his hand stopping on the cat's head. He seemed to know Sonny was awake. The man turned towards Sonny.

His eyes were beautiful to the teenager. They were brownish green, wide and they fit his awkward facial structure very well. Sonny loved his eyes. The tiny teenager shook and scooted further away, intimidated by the other man's presence, still covered in the coat.

The two stared at each other, wide eyes meeting. Sonny was trembling when the other man smiled a very small smile.

"Hello," He said, his voice cracking in the morning air. The man seemed like he would say more, but he didn't. He wanted Sonny to greet him in return, but Sonny didn't say a word. He cowered back as far as he could on the bench. The young teenager's first instinct was to run, but he couldn't run. For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to run away from the strange man with the black and white cat.

It was a tense few moments as the two stared at each other, the man with a small smile and Sonny shaking slightly. The cat turned it's head towards Sonny, meowing softly, sniffing the air with it's pink nose. The man glanced down at his cat before speaking again.

"I saw you laying here last night," The man said, setting his cat on the ground. Sonny watched with wide eyes as the cat sat down by the man's feet instead of wandering off. "You looked half froze."

Sonny had been half froze or maybe more than that. He stared at the man, eyes wide with almost no emotion except fear of the stranger. He hugged himself as closely as possible, refusing to speak to this man.

"Are you deaf?" He asked loudly, leaning closer to Sonny, causing him to cower more. When the man received no reply, he groaned very loudly, looking off into the distance. "Great, Joel," He seemed to say to himself, "You've given your only warm coat to a kid who doesn't even know you're talking to him."

Joel, which was the man's name apparently, rubbed his eyes like he was tired. He sighed loudly, his breath puffing into the air in a white cloud like smoke. "So, since you're deaf," He began, tapping his hands on his legs and looking back to Sonny, "I can say literally whatever I want and you won't hear me."

When Sonny simply stared at him, Joel's grin grew wider. "I am the mayor of FaggotTown, and Meowingtons is my supervisor," He declared very loudly, pressing a hand proudly over his chest, smiling at his words.

Sonny's mouth dropped open just the slightest, shocked at what Joel had just said. This man seemed very arrogant, even if he did think Sonny was deaf. Who in the world would say that so proudly and easily? Sonny kind of admired his audacity for a moment, and almost laughed. Sonny was not deaf, despite the man's false assumptions. In fact, that was the very first sentence Sonny Moore ever spoke to Joel Zimmerman.

"I'm not deaf," He said softly, his voice cold and raspy from being silent for so long. When was the last time he had actually spoken? It had been a while, but the exact amount of time was unknown to the teenager as he sat on the bench, curled underneath a stranger's coat.

Joel's face flushed, and a very sheepish grin took shape on his awkward face. He rubbed his neck uncomfortably. "Well, sheesh, man. Sorry you had to hear that," He mumbled, standing up. It seemed like he was about to leave. For some reason, Sonny didn't want him to leave. Maybe it was because he still had Joel's coat. Or maybe it was because of how proud he was.

Or maybe it was because he was the first person to ever show him affection, if even that, by giving Sonny his coat last night.

"So, uh, keep the coat. It's your's," Joel said, standing up and quietly adding, "Even if it is my only one." Joel leaned down beside him, his joints creaking loudly. A few seconds later, the stranger groaned, standing back up, a brown paper bag around some bottle. He took a drink before realizing he had forgotten something, and he began to bend down again, lifting his black and white tuxedo cat into his arm. Sonny watched as it crawled onto his shoulder and perched like some sort of parrot.

"I... Guess I'll see you around?" Joel continued, turning towards Sonny. He was about to leave... Sonny didn't want him to go. He saved Sonny's life. Sonny couldn't respond. He could only hid behind the coat which covered the majority of his body. He was shaking. He wanted to introduce himself, but he was scared of what Joel would think.

"Maybe not," Joel muttered, turning away. He said something to his cat, and then, he began to walk away, leaving Sonny alone on the bench.

And Sonny stared at him, spying on Joel as he began to talk to his cat on his shoulder. He watched the strange man sip his bottle as he disappeared down the pathway towards the exit of the park. Sonny wondered what was in the bottle.

"Goodbye," Sonny whispered even though he was long since gone. He raised his pretty, pale hand and held it in the cold air for a moment.

And then, Sonny was alone again. He curled himself tighter beneath the coat and replayed the last few minutes over and over again in his mind. The way that man had smiled at Sonny when he sat up. The proud declaration of being the mayor of the so-called "Faggot Town". The way he was embarrassed when Sonny spoke. Sonny wanted to remember every detail.

The young teenager felt an over-whelming sense of affection towards this strange man whose name Sonny could only assume was Joel. Out of the goodness of his heart, Joel had given Sonny his only warm coat late last night, or early this morning. This was the first nice thing anybody had ever done for Sonny.

Suddenly, he was on his feet, and the orange coat dropped heavily onto the snowy ground. Sonny quickly retrieved it, afraid to dirty the warm article of clothing. He slid the over-sized coat onto his tiny body. The coat certainly didn't smell great, Sonny realized. It smelled of cat urine, smoke but not the kind from a cigarette, and dirt. It sloped off his shoulders, over his hands, and way past his waist, almost to his pidgeon-like knees. It was much too big, but Sonny didn't really care. He was used to his clothing not fitting properly.

With a source of urgency, the black-haired teenager scanned along the path again, breathing frantically. He could hear car horns and sirens from the city that boomed outside of the quiet park. The idea of venturing through there alone scared him very much. Sonny looked towards the ground. He could make out the footprints of Joel's shoes still fresh in the half inch of snow. Pleased, Sonny followed them.

He wasn't quite sure why he was following the strange cat man who carried the brown-baged bottle. It was completely unlike his timid, terrified character, but Sonny knew, deep down, wherever Joel was going, that's where he wanted to be. Maybe, figuratively, Sonny was hoping for more warm coats in the way of food, water, or even shelter. The naive lad had no idea what Joel's home, if he even had any, may be like. In fact, by following the footprints etched only minutes ago in the snow, Sonny was undoubtedly gambling and setting himself up for his own fate.

It wasn't long at all before Sonny had followed the footprints to the edge of the park. Beyond the rim of the empty park, the footsteps continued down the sidewalk going to Sonny's right. There was a group of rowdy teenagers that passed Sonny, causing him to shake terribly. Once they were gone, Sonny drew the hood of his light jacket from beneath the hoodless coat, hiding his face. He took a soft breath and followed the footsteps into the dark city. He noticed the snow here was less white and more gray. For some reason, that bothered him terribly.

Sonny glanced up and down the sidewalk, avoiding the eyes of the people who walked by. His ears could pick up pieces of their conversations as they walked past. Sometimes, they were laughing. Sometimes, they were giving directions. Sometimes, they were loudly gossiping. Sonny could never see their faces though, so he invisioned their faces in his head. Any time the voice he heard seemed to belong to an adult woman, he imagined the woman to look like his mother, a cruel woman with a sunken face and rotten teeth. Any time the voice he heard happened to sound like an adult male, he imagined the man to look like his father, an ugly Hispanic-American man with long, tangled black hair, which Sonny had inherited, and a constantly mad look in his eyes.

This imagining made wanting to find Joel so much harder and scarier. Sonny's worst fear was always that he'd find his parents some how, some way, even though he knew for a fact they were still serving hard time in prison. The reasons for their incarceration could be found on any given surface of Sonny's small body. Sometimes, it was in the small scars on his cheeks that were nearly invisible these days. Sometimes, it was in the discolored skin along his arms and legs from bruises that could never heal properly. Or sometimes, their record with Sonny could be found in the way he hid himself and avoided people entirely, terrified of what they might do.

Sonny didn't like to think about them.

Sonny bit his lip, looking up and down the street. He couldn't spy the strange man anywhere, but he was having such a terrible time looking at the passing faces. The teenager craned his neck as far out as it could and turned his head repeatedly left and right, searching indefinitely. He wasn't sure what he'd do if he couldn't find Joel. Even if he did, what would he say to Joel?

Then, almost as if God had been listening to him, Sonny's eyes fell on him. He was standing in a group of people beside the road at the street corner to his left, the cat still perched curiously on his shoulder. The man brought the brown-bagged bottle of whatever to his lips, watching the crossing signal across the street change from a red hand to a white stick figure. Joel then lowered the bottle and began with the group across the street, the cat bouncing steadily with every rise and fall of his owner's feet.

It only took Sonny a second to decide on his next move. His legs began almost at a sprint as he sped across the sidewalk, running to where Joel was crossing the street. He bumped into people, causing them to drop things, or curse after him, but Sonny didn't care at all. His only concern was to find Joel even though he still was clueless as to what he would say to the man. Sonny continued running into the street, his shoes pounding on the black, wet asphalt until he reached the sidewalk.

He stopped, catching his breath. Sonny never really did any physical exercise. His body was never in the right condition for such things. Panting, he raised his head and looked from left to right, searching for the strange man with the cat. Again, Sonny found Joel fairly quickly. This time, Joel was sitting on the steps of a gray apartment building, his tuxedo cat dismounting his shoulder and pawing at dead weeks poking through the concrete.

Sonny eyed the complex. There were bars over the windows and dirty air conditioners hanging out of the ones without bars. Some of the windows, despite the imposing black, metal bars, were still broken in and jagged glass hung from the frame. The sign near where Joel was sitting read "Hatia Terrance Apartments". Sonny wondered what Hatia meant considering this didn't really look like a nice place, however, Sonny had never really stayed in a nice place before, so he couldn't really see a difference.

His eyes turned to Joel again as he sat on the gray steps, sipping from bottle. Sonny's hands shook as his feet carried him closer. He pulled the jacket higher on his shoulders to make it appear it fit better than it actually did. The teenager was terrified, but he so desperately wanted to talk to Joel. To introduce himself. He took a shaky breath and stood beside the steps. Joel didn't notice him, the man's eyes on his playing cat, bottle against his peach lips.

"I... I..." Sonny barely managed to stutter, his hands shaking terribly as he removed his hood, "I'm not deaf."

That was the only thing Sonny could think to say. I'm not deaf. Three words. That was the only sentence he could form. Joel didn't seem to notice him as he sat down the bottle and leaned on his knees, watching his cat with a bored expression. Sonny's face reddened as he realized he hadn't even captured Joel's attention. He raised a shaking hand and tugged on Joel's hoodie sleeve. Joel seemed shocked, wondering who touched him. He turned very quickly to see Sonny, arm outstretched, holding onto his sleeve.

"I said, 'I'm not deaf'," Sonny repeated, drawing his hand away. Joel stared at him silently for a moment, and Sonny was sure he was confused.

"Yeah, I know. You told me that," Joel said, his eyes wide with annoyance. He looked at Sonny from shoes to hair for a second before he spoke harshly again. "Why the hell did you follow me?"

Sonny's face paled again. He didn't want to say that he followed Joel because he was looking for handouts. He didn't want Joel to think he was a loser, but Sonny realized he was probably too late with that. Sonny shrugged off the stinky coat, even though he didn't want to because he was getting used to the smell, and he held it towards the other man. "You... I don't need this," He said, holding it in his pale, pretty hand.

Joel frowned, but took the coat anyway, holding it under his arm. "It seems like you do. It's fuckin' freezing out here and all you have is that jacket," He muttered darkly, and then, paused. He looked at the ground where his cat was, licking his paw, then back at Sonny, "You don't have anywhere to go, do you?"

Sonny shook his head quickly.

"Jesus Christ," Joel hissed, standing up, "Come on, then. You look starving. I probably have something inside." He stood up slowly, popping his knees, bottle in hand, coat under arm, and walked to the old, ratty-looking door, pulling it open. "Meowingtons, let's go," He said, and Meowingtons trotted inside the building.

Sonny stood there motionless, unsure of what to do, as he stared at Joel, who was holding the door open with his skinny shoulders, orange coat under arm. He was afraid he had upset Joel. The man certainly seemed annoyed by the way he had spoke. Sonny was afraid to annoy him anymore, so he simply stood by the stairs.

"Are you coming inside or what?" Joel said quickly, waving his hand to get Sonny's attention.

Sonny jumped slightly, drawn away from his subconscious thinking. He nodded his head quickly, the thought of warm food making him excited. He hadn't eaten warm food in a very long time, but Sonny still found himself slightly nervous to go inside the disgusting apartments. The teenager knew he needed food though, so he clenched his fists. To be so close to another human would take all of his bravery, the little he had inside him.

So, Sonny steeled himself, lowering his head, as he stepped up the stairs and through the open door, welcoming himself into Joel's life, an action that would undoubtedly change both of their lives forever.


	3. Mouse Head

"It's sort of a mess," Joel said, as the elevator stopped at the third floor of the dingy apartment building. Sonny pulled his jacket tighter. It seemed that the heating element in this building was broken. Sonny's nose crinkled when the doors opened. It smelled like smoke up here, and he could practically see the hazy film in the hallway, floating around through the air. It didn't smell like cigarette smoke, however, and Sonny knew what that smelled like. He had the scars on his arms to prove it, but his interpretation of the smell could have been altered because it was usually mixed in with burning flesh.

Sonny blinked around the hallway as he stepped out of the elevator. There was peeling, yellowish wall paper adorning the decrepit walls. The floor was extremely dirty, and it was scattered with discarded paper and broken bottles. There were some strange noises that Sonny couldn't rightly identify coming from behind the various discolored doors. He could only tell that they were human, and they were either very happy or in a lot of pain.

Joel didn't seem to notice the noise. He simply walked down the hallway, his cat close by his heel. Sonny followed him several feet behind before Joel stopped, pulling a key from one of the pockets on his long, canvas colored pants. He poked it into the keyhole, turned it all the way around and pushed the door open.

The small cat, who Sonny assumed it's name was "Meowingtons", rushed inside past Joel's black tennis shoes. Joel followed his cat, but stopped when he was just inside the door.

"Comin' in, kid?" He asked, holding the door open with his hand and foot, looking over his shoulder expectantly.

Sonny looked up from the ground quickly. He wanted to run, but he knew he couldn't. The small teenager nodded his head and scooted inside the apartment, and Joel firmly closed the door behind him.

From the yellow hallway to the dim glow of the apartment, it took Sonny's poor eyes a moment to adjust to the dramatic change of light. He blinked, finding himself inside a small hallway that lead to another room, where there appeared to be more light. Joel walked further inside, carrying his brown-bagged drink in one hand. Joel stood by one corner of the bed, sat down his drink of whatever, and he stripped off his jacket, revealing a dark, army green tee shirt with a grenade on it. Sonny averted his vision away from Joel's skinny body and eyed the rest of the room.

There were three windows a few feet away on a peeling gray wall. They let in white, smoky light through broken, white blinds gleaming onto an open pullout, bare mattress. The mattress had no sheets, but instead, it was covered with a blue and white plaid blanket and one floppy looking pillow. Above the mattress was brick wall that was completely void of anything other than a large, gay pride rainbow flag strewn above the bed. On the ground, there was several stacks of records and many piles of clothes on top of moldy carpet. There was a TV too. It sat on top of a stack of plastic crates, but, when Sonny noticed the wires bursting from the screen, he assumed it was broken.

Beside the TV, however, there was quite the curious object. It appeared to be a large, red, round ball with two other red balls on the top. There were two white balls parallel to each other on the front and directly below that, there was a white, mesh space that looked eerily like a mouth. Sonny blinked, and it occurred to him that the object was a head. A very large head of some sort.

Joel caught him staring and walked towards the head. He picked up the object and held it closer so Sonny could see it. "You like it?" He asked, shaking it slightly. Sonny nodded his head not because he liked the weird, red object, but because he wanted Joel to like him. "Me too. It's my mouse head."

Sonny didn't understand how it was a mouse, why he had it, or what it exactly was, so he simply nodded his head. Joel smirked devilishly, raising it up. "You try it!" He said excitedly, thrusting the red thing over Sonny's head.

It was suddenly very dark for a moment. The young teenager felt very panicky as his eyes adjusted. He pressed out his pretty, pale hands, feeling the air. Sonny almost tripped over the unconventional bed, ramming his shin into it painfully. He whimpered, and his hands found something strange and warm. It was only a moment later when the boy's eyes adjusted through the mesh mouth and he found his hands clamped around Joel's skinny body about where his chest ends and his stomach begins. Sonny could easily feel bones.

Sonny yelped from beneath the strange thing, jumping backwards onto the bed and drawing his hands back quickly as Joel pulled the mouse head off of him, laughing at Sonny's expense. Sonny laid on the bed, legs bent and somewhat parted, his heart racing as he gazed between his knees at Joel who was bending over, laying the mouse head back on the floor. Sonny couldn't help but notice what a nice bottom Joel had. It seemed perfectly round in those long, canvas pants. After only a moment of admiration, Sonny realized how out of line he was and quickly rose, closing his open mouth with a pop and standing upright.

"Well, it's probably not for everyone," He said, rolling his eyes and he stood back up, stretching his back. Meowingtons scampered over Sonny's feet, and the teenager watched as the tuxedo cat hurried into the next room. It seemed to be a conjoined kitchen. There were piles of dishes, pots and pans everywhere, except in one space- The wooden table in the center of the room. There was only one object on that table.

A rainbow bong.

Sonny wasn't sure how he knew what it was when he saw it because he had never seen such a thing before. He just knew. He could just sense that it was something illegal. It enticed him, but not in the way that he wanted to use it. The teenager wondered if it was Joel's. No, he knew it HAD to be Joel's because Joel was probably the only person who lived here. Plus, the coat had stank of smoke, which could, as far as he knew, have only come from the rainbow bong. Sonny wondered why Joel had so much rainbow stuff. Was he an avid supporter of gay rights or was it something more?

Joel caught Sonny's eyes and followed them into the kitchen where the object sat on the table. He began to grin, showing grubby teeth as he approached the kitchen, holding his hand towards the bong. Joel picked it up and showed Sonny, almost as if he thought Sonny had not previously seen the device.

"I had this specially made for me by my friend when I moved here. Isn't it awesome?" He said proudly, holding it towards Sonny. Sonny nodded his head even though he wasn't quite sure what he thought of it. He was fairly certain he knew what it's function was, but he hoped, for Joel's sake, he was wrong.

"It's probably my second favorite possession... Besides my mouse head," Joel said, staring lovingly at the bong before setting back down. He stared at the table for a moment before turning back towards Sonny. "So... Uh... You want something to eat? I'm sure I got some cereal or something," He said, widening his eyes slightly as he began to turn towards his white painted, chipped cabinet.

Sonny walked into the conjoined kitchen. There were a ton of cabinets, usually just with one or two doors. The cabinets surrounded three walls of the small kitchen. The only wall that wasn't adorned with them was the wall furthest to Sonny's right, which was were a gray refrigerator stood with barely enough room next to it for a stove that looked broken to Sonny. Empty boxes, trash, and dirty dishes covered every applicable surface in the tiny kitchen, and the few places that weren't surrounded by such things were covered in a think layer of dust and dead bugs. Sonny had to bite his lip to keep from appearing disgusted. He wasn't quite sure, however, why he was disgusted. The teenager was used to awful, unsanitary situations.

"So... Uh..." Joel said, squatting down and digging through a crowded cabinet, "I have some... Instant Rice, I guess." He held the dented box out towards Sonny. The small teenager could only nod his head. He'd never really been around one person who was this interested in him before. Sonny had no idea what to say.

Joel rose, his knees popping again, and took out a smudged bowl. He poured the bowl half full, walked to the sink and added the same amount of water before setting it in the microwave. Joel turned around after that, leaning against the counter so he could face Sonny.

"So," Joel said, drawing out the word. He watched Sonny for a moment, and those strangely colored eyes seemed to look right into Sonny's soul, which was a feeling the teenager didn't like. "You don't much talk, do ya?" He asked, grinning sheepishly. Joel seemed to be warming up since the awkward experience outside. Sonny wondered if he was still deeply regretting letting Sonny come into his home. This worried the awkward teenager. He was scared Joel would soon kick him out, back onto those desolate streets.

What if next time when Sonny wound up on a park bench, a patron saint DIDN'T give him their coat? What would happen then? Sonny was scared to think of that. He would probably be a frozen statue, laying stiff on the park bench. He imagined the park proprietors coming along, seeing him, and mounting him on a podium with a plaque that read "The Idiot Who Ran Away From Home and Froze to Death." All the kids would laugh and point at him, and all their parents would hide their nose in the collars and giggle at the stupid, little kid.

Sonny knew he had to start talking soon.

"Uhm... No," Sonny mumbled, pulling his jacket sleeves over his hands. He didn't want Joel to say something sarcastic about his girly hands. He was certainly surprised to hear his own scratchy voice arise from a lump in his throat.

Joel seemed very surprised too. His grin almost vanished when he heard Sonny speak for the second time. Joel seemed to have stage fright. He could only stare at the younger, smaller teenager with his wide eyes. It was a very awkward, quiet moment for the two before the beep of the microwave broke the silence. Joel turned and opened the microwave, spilling white steam from inside. He carefully took the hot bowl in his hands, and in one movement, transferred it to the table in front of the rainbow bong.

"Oh! Wait!" Joel exclaimed. The older man turned, opening a rolling cabinet and deposited one plastic fork, which he planted into the surface of rice, almost like a white flag on the moon.

Sonny glanced towards him for a moment, wondering if that was his cue to eat, and then sat down in the only wooden chair. The bong was very imposing as it towered over him. The rice was still steaming, and when Sonny placed his hand above the bowl, he could feel the condensation from the heat stick to his hand. Sonny was very, very hungry though. He could hear his stomach rumble loudly, so he placed his hands over it, waiting on the rice to cool.

Joel noticed his Sonny's stomach noises as he passed by on the way back into the living room/bedroom area. "Geez, kid," He said, quickly returning with his brown bagged bottle. Joel stood by an over-flowing trashcan and pulled off the bag, setting it on top of the mound, and Sonny realized that the hidden bottle had been a very large bottle of beer. "When was the last time you had a somethin' to eat?"

That was a good question, but there wasn't any answer. Sonny simply stared at the bowl of plain rice. He wanted to say to Joel, 'It's been days' but he couldn't find the words in his throat, so he shrugged his shoulders. By now, the rice had basically stopped steaming, so Sonny, dipped the plastic fork in and took a bite. It was tasteless, overcooked, and very, very hot. Sonny could not have been more content.

Joel stared out the window behind Sonny while the younger male ate. Sonny could hear him occasionally sip from his bottle, the small slurping noise being the only noise in the room. The teenager didn't really understand why Joel was drinking right now. It was only eleven in the morning. Was Joel an alcoholic?

Sonny shivered. He knew far too many alcoholics as he had grown up. Most, if not, all of them had inflicted pain onto the poor boy in some way or another. Sonny watched Joel out of the corner of his eyes as he sipped again at the bottle and then sat it down on the counter, belching softly, and then walking so he was on the opposite side of the table as the much younger male.

It was hard to see Joel because of the very large, imposing bong that sat directly between then, obstructing their lines of vision. Sonny simply stared at the large bong, almost like he was pretending like it wasn't there. That was the easiest thing to do because he had a feeling Joel wasn't about to move his most prized possession.

"So, are you ever going to tell me your name, or do you not have one?" Joel asked, leaning lazily on his right side on his elbow, eyeing Sonny around the large bong. Sonny wondered why on Earth Joel didn't simply move it to the counter, but then he remembered the dead bugs and trash everywhere, and then, Sonny wasn't quite so confused.

Sonny gulped a mouthful of rice much too quickly when he said that, causing him to almost cough. The younger male averted his eyes away from Joel who was yawning loudly. The teenager could barely even remember his name at the moment. He was feeling panicky. Sonny pushed the empty bowl away from him, and he placed his pale hands down in his lap, eyes following them.

"Sonny," He whispered, and if Joel had not been listening, the tired man may not have heard him.

"Sonny?" Joel said, making a 'pft' noise as he stood up, the chair squeaking loudly, "What kind of name is-" The older man caught Sonny's wide eyes as they rose back towards him in what seemed like disbelief. Joel rubbed his eyelids, shaking his head, "Never mind, never mind. It's a cool name. It's... It's bright. It's ironic since you're pretty dark."

Frowning, Sonny looked at his hands. Dark? Sure, his hair was black, but he was pale. Almost ghostly. "But... I'm white," Sonny murmured, standing because he thought that's what Joel wanted him to do.

Joel rolled his eyes at Sonny, shoving his hands in his canvas pockets. "That's not what I meant, Sunshine. Look, don't worry about it, Kid," The strange man said as he turned and left the kitchen. He walked back to the living room, dropped to his knees, and began to dig through a pile of clothes. "So," He said, tossing different shirts over his shoulder carelessly, "You don't seem like the type, but... I have this party thing tonight that I'm going to, and... Well, it's not really so much a party but there will be people and dancing and booze and music-"

Sonny wasn't sure what he was getting at. The teenager stood awkwardly in the doorway of the kitchen, biting his jacket sleeve nervously. His tiny stomach was making rumbling noises, and the boy was worried that the introduction of food into his vacant belly would come back to haunt him.

"-Basically, what I'm getting at is," Joel continued, picking up a black, wrinkled shirt that simply read 'meh' in white letters, "Do you wanna go with me or sit around here with my fuckin' cat all night?"

On the inside, a small voice inside Sonny told him that this was a bad idea. He hated people. He hated parties, and he hated drinking. However, deep down, the teenager knew Joel would never respect him if he didn't go to this party, even if it would be out of character for the teenager. Perhaps, Sonny thought, he could find a quiet corner and twiddle his thumbs the whole night through. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

"O-Okay," The boy agreed, clasping his thin wrists to his chest. A small anvil was pulled off his chest, but he still was nervous. What if Joel was tricking him? No... No, Joel would never do that, Sonny was sure. Even though, the teenager had only met him earlier that day.

"Awesome!" Joel chirped, and his hands moved to the bottom of the shirt he was wearing. With ease, he stripped it off his body to reveal a pale, hairless chest. Sonny's heart raced, and he wanted to look away, but... There were markings on Joel's chest. Pale, almost white lines across his skinny chest. Sonny's eyes had to adjust before he came to the realization-

They were scars.

Sonny's eyes met the floor instantly as Joel slid the wrinkled shirt on, not noticing the teenager's curiosity. Where in the world had THOSE came from? No, the teenager directed his mind to something else. Those scars were not his business. Joel bent down again and picked up his mouse head. The man took off his black baseball cap, slipping it inside his pocket before sliding into a black hoodie and putting on his mouse head and looking at Sonny. Sonny noticed how well the mouse head fit him, almost like a glove. If Sonny did not know who was beneath the giant, red ball, he might have been scared, but Sonny knew it was Joel, and Joel was a good man.

"Here, you can wear this again," Joel said, shoving the orange coat towards Sonny who graciously slid it on over his black, grungy jacket, "Since you liked it so much."

Sonny nodded a response, as Joel walked towards the door eagerly. Sonny's heart was racing terribly. He was so very nervous, but he knew Joel would keep him safe. Joel was a super hero. Joel had saved his life.

The older male walked towards the door, and Sonny immediately followed despite the fact he fact he was beginning to feel like a puppy. Without warning, Joel stopped suddenly, and Sonny bumped into his back, gasping softly, his pale hand bumping into Joel's waist, and then backing up quickly, pretending like he hadn't accidentally violated Joel for the second time today.

Joel snapped his fingers, and he turned suddenly, almost running into the kitchen. "I can't believe I almost forgot it!" He gasped, disappearing for a moment. There was the rolling of a cabinet, a pause, and then, the closing of a cabinet. Joel returned less than three seconds later, holding a white Macbook. Sonny realized it was probably the most valuable thing he had seen in his recent life.

He brushed past Sonny, the older male's arm brushing past Sonny's chest. That made his heart race even faster, however, the young boy didn't yet understand why. It would be a while before he understood why, but even now, as the two left there was a certain amount of affection that Sonny had for the very strange man who wore a mouse head.


	4. Strobe

Only a few minutes later, the two were back outside in the cold. Sonny was draped in the over-sized coat, the sleeves covering his pale hands, walking beside Joel, who was wearing the big mouse head proudly. It was hard for the teenager to keep up with the older male. He seemed to be excited to go wherever it was that they were going. There was such a spring in his step.

Sonny was nearly out of breath as he speed walked alongside Joel. Puffing slightly, he glanced over Joel who was holding the Macbook close to his chest. The young teenager was incredibly curious what it was they were so hurriedly almost running to. His too small sneakers padded through the mostly melted slush as he struggled to keep up with Joel.

"I'm probably not gonna be able to hang out with you tonight," Joel stated as they rounded another corner, turning into a much darker part of the city than Sonny had been in previously before. A lot more of the windows on the sides of the corroded buildings were nailed shut with boards and jagged nails poking from the sides. The two passed by an elderly African man with gray hair who was seated on the steps of what appeared to be an apartment building. He watched the two with large, brown eyes, an old, shaggy dog seated by his boot covered feet. Joel didn't notice the man, but Sonny did, so he walked faster.

"Why?" Sonny mumbled feeling confused. He thought Joel had wanted him to attend the party because he wanted to hang out with Sonny. Why else would he have said that?

Joel began to grin, glancing down to his laptop shoved against his side, "I'm the entertainment."

Sonny didn't understand at all how Joel could be the entertainment if all he had was a laptop, but he didn't question the older man, and he simply nodded his head.

A few minutes later, the two arrived at what appeared to be their destination. Sonny could only tell this by the wide, child-like grin on Joel's face. In front of the two was what appeared to be an abandoned factory of some sort. It certainly wasn't abandoned now because there was a rattle and rumble of music coming from within it's walls and occasionally the splash of a colored light against the window amongst the silhouettes of dancing people. The whole outside walls, as well as the roof, appeared to be covered in mainly corrugated tin. There were a few windows, but they appeared to only be one way, as Sonny could not see in at all besides the splashes of light and silhouettes.

There was a rusty sign over the door that caught Sonny's eyes. Even though he was a very poor reader, the teenager could make out the words, "The Cuff Complex." That must have been the name of the building. Sonny was not sure how he felt about walking into a place that was called such a name. Next to the steel door was a poster. When Sonny moved closer, he could see it was an advertisement for tonight's entertainment.

The first group performing tonight would be called "Death Spells." Sonny wondered what kind of band would call them that. He couldn't tell who they were because the only two members were wearing scary skeleton masks. The only other name on the sign was for somebody wearing a large mouse head like Joel's and holding up his middle finger obscenely towards the camera.

"That's me!" Joel stated excitedly, jamming his finger into the poster. Above the crude picture was Joel's performing name- "Deadmau5."

"Dead-Maw-Five?" Sonny phonetically read slowly, squinting at the writing.

Joel let out a loud 'PFT', and began to laugh even louder, drawing his hand away and slapping it on his chest. "That's 'Dead mouse', you idiot," He said, and Sonny could see his mouth open and laughing even inside the mouse head.

Sonny frowned. He didn't quite understand how that made him an idiot, but he shook that off. "Who're the other guys?" He asked, looking back at the poster. They seemed... Weird... And dark, much darker than Joel.

"Two loser no-names. They're so ugly that they had to wear masks," Joel replied, throwing his hand in the air like dissing them was an easy thing to do. Sonny didn't point out that Joel was wearing something to cover his face as well. He wanted Joel to like him as much as possible.

"They won't even card you here, Sonny, so you can drink as much as you want. I won't judge," Joel stated filling the silence as he opened one of the steel doors for the teenager. The inside reeked of alcohol and smoke. Sonny would not ever drink. Never in a million years. But, the boy bit his lip and nodded his head simply because he did not want to disappoint Joel.

He couldn't tell if the inside was as simply disgusting as the outside because it was incredibly dark. The only light came from the brilliant strobe lights shooting out turquoise and purple and red light out occasionally, which explained the windows. There was very loud music, and it hurt Sonny's ears. He rubbed his hands over his ears, eyes adjusting to the dim lighting.

There was a grungy looking bar to his left where a man stood behind the counter, tending to the recipients at the table, who Sonny also noticed, were all men. To Sonny's right, there was a flashy light up dance floor that was shooting psychedelic colored blocks of light from the surface of the floor. Just beyond that appeared to be a DJ booth that at the moment was currently empty, but loud electronic music was still playing from the speakers. From what Sonny could tell, again, all the people who were dancing on the floor appeared to be male.

There was something strange going on here, but Sonny couldn't quite place it. He frowned to himself. Why was everybody here male? The teenager couldn't recall a time in which he had seen so many men in one area. This made him incredibly uncomfortable, but he wasn't sure why.

Sonny's attention was drawn away by Joel tugging on the sleeve of his jacket. On any normal occasion this would have made him nervous, but it was Joel so that made it okay because Joel was a very good man. Sonny turned slightly and saw that Joel was walking away and sitting down at the bar. Sonny followed and sat down on a squeaky stool beside him. Through a smoky glaze, the bartender came to the counter. He was probably mid-thirties, ten years or so older than Joel. His chin was glazed with the marks of brownish stubble even though his hair was a dirty blonde color. Joel laid two dollars on the table, and the bartender took it away. He filled up a frosty looking mug, shoved it at Joel, and then leaned on the counter so he was staring right at Sonny. This caused Sonny to almost whimper.

"Who's your friend, Joel?" The man asked as Joel removed his mouse head and sat it on the vacant seat to his left on top of his laptop, "He looks kinda scruffy."

Sonny frowned, but he wasn't sure what 'scruffy' meant. Was that an insult?

"Nah," Joel answered, taking the mug and drinking loudly. He sat it back down, wiping his lips, "He's cool. His name is Sonny."

Cool. For some reason, this made Sonny almost smile as he stared sheepishly down at his pretty, pale hands resting on his legs on the stool. He wasn't sure why it made him feel a flicker of happy. The word simply did. Joel had affection for him, and that meant protection. Joel was his savior.

"You're new in these parts, aren't you, Sonny?" The bartender asked, grinning slightly. Sonny wasn't sure he liked him yet or not. He wasn't used to being talked to and addressed by his name this much. It was always like a little surprise every time he heard it.

Sonny nodded his head obediently, meeting the man's eyes once before jerking them back to his hands. He wasn't necessarily new to the city. He was just new to Joel. The next thing Sonny knew, a rough looking hand was thrust towards him.

"My name's Elias, and I own this bar. Your buddy Joel here better not fuck up tonight, or I'll use his guts as a new coat of paint on these walls," Elias said, his small grin growing brighter. Sonny wasn't sure why Elias was grinning. That was a very dark, threatening thing to say.

"Oh, Ha. Ha," Joel muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes, "Like I even would. I'd be more concerned about Death Potions or whatever they are." He seemed to not take the threat seriously, so Sonny didn't either and very carefully, raised his petite hand and shook Elias's. It was calloused and rough, like shaking hands with sandpaper. 

"Spells, Joel, Spells," Elias corrected, taking his hand away from Sonny who returned them to his lap. Sonny was thankful Elias didn't make a snide comment about the daintiness of his white hands. That would have been humiliating. "And you can make fun of them all you want; I don't care. But we'll see who's laughing when they bring the house down opening act," The bartender said, grinning more, revealing straight, white teeth.

Joel finished off the mug, and set it down back on the counter. "I've never even heard of them before," He said, wiping his lips on his black hoodie.

"I bet they're saying the same about you, mouse-y," Elias replied quickly with a smirk. He scooped up the empty mug, taking it away as he went to serve the few others puttering up to the bar. Sonny wasn't quite sure if he liked Elias. Elias seemed very sarcastic and dark. Those were not traits that Sonny typically seemed to like.

"I hate that guy," Joel muttered grimly, leaning closer to the table, but keeping his eyes on Elias's back. He belched softly, and Sonny turned to him as Joel slid on his mouse head again.

"Why?" Sonny asked even though he did somewhat understand why.

"Because," Joel stated, seeming to get more frustrated. He turned towards Sonny, and he met the younger male's eyes for what felt like the first real time. "He's the owner of a gay bar, and he's not even gay. That's not right."

"A gay bar?" Sonny's mouth dropped on. A gay bar? He took another look around, and it seemed like his eyes were catching more. There were several men dancing very, very close to each other out on the dance floor covered in sweat. Down the bar, there was a couple wrapped around each other, lips attached to each other, one on the other's lap. Couples were holding hands, whispering to each other, sitting close. It all made sense. He felt, just as Joel had said, like an idiot for not catching it earlier.

Sonny blinked back to the table.

He was sitting in a gay bar.

Sonny never really thought of himself as having any sort of sexual preference. That had never really been a thought for him. The entire teenager's life had been a fight. Fighting to be adopted. Fighting against the people who'd do a trial run with him and bring him back to the foster home a few days later. Fighting off starvation. Fighting himself. Fighting to stay alive. Everything besides that came second, and that included relationships and sexuality.

In fact, Sonny had never really been attracted anybody in that way before. Never. There wasn’t even any sort of memorable attraction that he could even conjure the memory of.

But Joel…

The rainbow flag. The rainbow bong. Being called ‘The Mayor of Faggot Town’. It all made sense! Sonny’s eyes flicked towards Joel who was turned around in his stool, watching the guys dance, back against the counter. It was at that moment that one sincere fact occurred to Sonny.

Joel is gay.

Sonny had never even known a gay person before. He furrowed his brow, looking over his friend. Joel certainly didn’t seem any different or any less good. Maybe it’s a normal thing around here, Sonny decided. It was completely normal and accepted to be gay. Sonny nodded his head and mimicked Joel’s posture. Quite frankly, nothing had changed between the two compared to before just a few seconds ago. In fact, the news made no negative difference in his affection towards Joel.

Perhaps, it had even gone as far as raising it slightly.

Even though Sonny was almost entirely certain, he still felt entirely obligated to ask regardless. It felt awkward coming from his mouth, but Sonny said it anyway.

“Are you… Gay?” Sonny asked, turning towards Joel and lowering his voice as if the whole bar was listening.

Joel began to smirk inside his mouse head. Sonny could see his lips reflecting off the many different colored lights. He turned towards Sonny, and he leaned close to the teenager. The mesh of the mouth of the mouse head was pressed against his ear when Joel said one sentence.

“What was your first clue?”

Joel certainly had a point, but Sonny didn’t think that he had taken into account the fact that Sonny had never really had contact with that many people prior to his running away experience that had landed him on a park bench a day ago. Sonny shrugged with a confused and curious expression as he stared at Joel who was pulling away from his ear. With anybody else, Sonny would have been terrified. He would have been screaming and running away after being so close, but he didn’t feel that way with Joel. Even though they had only been together for a few hours, Sonny could feel a connection between him and Joel, and it was certainly expanding.

“Oh God. Look at those posers.”

Joel’s voice tore Sonny away from his admiration. He blinked in the flashing lights to see what he was talking about. Entering through the front door to the bar were two hooded, masked, and cloaked figures walking side by side. They attracted the attention of most of the bar. The majority of the males around the room stopped kissing, dancing, or whatever they happened to be engaged in to stare at the two performers who had just walked. The two figures were wearing masks identical to the ones from the poster. Sonny inferred that they must be the other performers, Death Spells.

The two glanced around, faces hidden by their skeleton masks before they disappeared towards the DJ booth. Joel coughed loudly, causing Sonny to glance towards him. “That must be Death Smells,” Joel stated even though Sonny already knew that. Sonny didn’t make any effort to correct him. Joel stood up, scooped up his laptop, and turned back to Sonny. “And, that’s my cue. I’m going to go intimidate or seduce them. Whichever fits the best,” Joel said, his face concealed by his large head, “I’ll… See you tonight, I guess. Don’t get too wasted.”

And with that, Joel abandoned Sonny alone on the barstool, fading behind the DJ booth where the other two had gone. This made Sonny very worried. He whimpered and wrapped his arms around his chest. He wasn’t sure why Joel was so insistent on Sonny getting drunk or even the idea of alcohol in general. Sonny wasn’t getting drunk. He wasn’t even going to take a single drink tonight. The sheer thought made him feel sick.

Right about that time, the two strange skeleton men took the stage. Sonny watched as they quickly plugged in and adapted their devices. Then, the room went dark and quiet. After only a few seconds of silence, a strange sound that somewhat sounded like whispering began to fill the room. Sonny couldn’t quite identify it at first because it was so quiet. His ears strained as he listened to it. A moment later, the lights sprang back on. Sonny pressed his eyes over his face, whimpering. The low whispering had suddenly erupted into full time, throat retching screaming accompanied by some sort of electronic screeching. Sonny was scared.

The uncomfortable teenager removed his hands, eyes adjusting.

The two men were on stage. One had his mask stuck to the top of his head, screaming into the microphone. The man had seriously captured the attention of the guys in the room. Most of the bar’s occupants were pressed against the stage, reaching towards the screaming man, enjoying the music. Sonny didn’t understand how they could understand what he was saying. Or maybe, he thought, not understanding was the point.

Sonny was enthralled. He very much liked the style of music. It was upbeat and unlike anything he had ever heard. He had always assumed music had to be played by an instrument, but, as the young boy sat there, watching the man on stage, he realized that was not the case at all.

Sonny was in awe of this man’s music. The other person on stage had his mask over his face as he moved between laptops and controllers, changing the lighting and music with a few clicks of a keyboard. It was so beautiful, so perfect for Sonny.

He was in love with the music.

If this was what Joel was doing tonight, he could understand why he was so excited. It looked like a lot of fun up there for sure. Sonny watched, amused and entertained, when there was a clinking behind him. The teenager turned to see a cold mug sitting on the counter, dribbles on condensation rolling down the side. Elias was standing there, nodding at him slightly and beginning to turn away.

Sonny was confused. “Wait,” He said softly, holding out his hand, “I didn’t order this.”

Elias shrugged his shoulders with an arrogant grin as he leaned forward to Sonny. “No,” He said, his voice low, barely audible over the music, “But the gentleman two seats to your left did.”

“What?” Sonny asked quickly. Elias simply laughed and turned away to another customer. Confused, Sonny blinked, and he turned, looking down the line of guys at the bar. Two seats over, there was a man with blonde hair and pale skin. He looked old, almost like he could be Sonny’s father. The man seemed to sense Sonny. He turned suddenly and his eyes met Sonny’s. He winked seductively, pursing his lips slightly.

This made Sonny want to cry. His eyes widened as the man stared at him. He wondered why anybody would have any interest in him. He didn’t understand at all. This made him panic. Sonny really did not wish for the man to give him any more drinks, and he really, really did not want him to approach. Somewhere behind Sonny, Death Spells finished their set, and the stage went black, followed by excited screaming and cheering. Joel would be next.

The darkness absolutely horrified Sonny. He was scared that the man would take advantage of the dark and approach Sonny. He was terrified that the man would grab Sonny and carry him away from here. Away from Joel. Sonny wasn’t going to let himself be taken away. He had just gotten here.

In the span of ten seconds of darkness, Sonny fled. He ran blindly, bumping into several people, through the crowds. He needed to get away. He needed to hide now. The lights came back on suddenly, and Sonny was momentarily blind. He hobbled around, his hands over his eyes for a few seconds, running into several different people. Some of them told him to watch where he was going. Some of them muttered hello. Some of them didn’t even notice. 

All of them smelled like beer.

When Sonny removed his eyes, he was no longer blind. Hollow, red light filled the black room. In a moment of panic, his eyes find a door that read “Men’s” above it. The teenager pushed his way through the sweaty crowd to the door. His hand pressed against the door, and he pushed.

The door was a lot lighter than he had originally thought, and the teenager slipped and fell into the bathroom, his face making contact with the dirty, white tiles. Sonny didn’t even let that faze him. He scrambled to his feet, terrified tears running down his face as he darted into a stall. Sonny slammed the door behind him, locked it, and then, he hopped up onto the toilet. Sonny pulled his legs onto the toilet. He could comfortably find his whole body onto the toilet seat, hiding himself entirely. His ears and eyes adjusted to the flickering light. There was graffiti on the stall walls around him. Some of it was a declaration of love. Some of it was a mixture of curse words. Some of it was illegible scribbles. Sonny could hear the dull beat of music coming from the bar. He assumed this must be Joel’s set. He was missing Joel’s set.

The thought made his heart hurt. He desperately wanted to listen to Joel and see his new friend in his natural habitat, but he was too scared, perhaps irrationally, of the man who had winked at him.

Sonny could feel a few tears drip down his face as he nestled his chin onto his knees. He was incredibly tired, and Sonny could feel himself drift in and out of consciousness. Because of his whole upbringing, Sonny had been completely used to sleeping in unconventional places. In fact, this dirty bathroom happened to be one of the quietest places he had fallen asleep at in quite some time.

After only a few minutes, Sonny’s face dropped forward into his knees, and the small teenager fell into a drowsy, warm sleep, surrounded by the beat of a bass from the next room.


	5. Zipper

Sonny was brought back to consciousness not much later. There was quite a bit of noise going on outside the bathroom stall. The frantic, giggly voices were carried beneath the stall door and to the teenager's ears. He blinked in the flickering light to see the shadows of two pairs of feet passing by the stall. The teenager shivered. He didn't want to talk to anybody. He only wanted to hide.

He watched the shadows of the two hurry inside the stall beside him, their giggling increasing substantially. Sonny watched them curiously. What on Earth were two people doing in one stall? That seemed very absurd to the teenager. He wiped his face, attempting to wake himself up faster. He was afraid of what they might be doing.

"Have you ever even been with a guy before?" 

That voice. Sonny's mouth dropped open, not even registering what the words had been. It was Joel! He would recognize that voice anywhere. It seemed like a parade began inside his body. Joel would save him! But... What was Joel doing in that stall with another man. Sonny was about to tell Joel where he was when the other person spoke.

"Yes!" He snapped, sounding indignant. Sonny watched as his shoes stamped the floor irritably. "I have a boyfriend. Thank you very much, jerk," The man said stiffly.

"Who? Your other little boyfriend from Deaf Spells?" Joel taunted. Sonny could see Joel's dingy Chuck Taylors lean against the stall wall parting the two stalls almost casually.

"Death Spells, Stupid! Not Deaf! And no. My boyfriend is not Dewees," The other man mumbled, but he sounded much less stiff. What in the world were they doing? Who was Dewees? Why was Joel in there? Sonny desperately wanted to call out, but he was too scared of what might happen. So, he stayed very silent, and he pulled his body closer to himself, listening carefully. "H-His name is G-Gerard, an-and I l-love him and," The man's sentence was cut short. There was the soft noise. Sonny wasn't quite sure what the noise was, but he could only describe it as "mwah."

"If you love this 'Gerard' so much, why are you here with me in this fucking bathroom stall?" Joel's disembodied voice requested in a very low tone. Sonny was growing more and more terrified. What was Joel doing?

"I-I love Gerard," The voice responded even more weakly. With every stuttering word, the voice seemed to break down more and more.

"I bet you do," Joel remarked softly followed by more 'mwah' noises. The other voice seemed to be breathing much louder as Joel's feet leaned against the stall wall.

The other voice whimpered, and he began to gasp softly. That made Sonny shiver for some reason. "J-Jesus, Joel. You know, I wouldn't do this if I was sober," He mumbled, his voice cracking almost like a teenager's.

"Well, you're not, and I'm not, and neither is anybody else here," Joel responded in a very arrogant tone. It became clear to Sonny then the sheer wastedness of the two men. He was surprised he hadn't caught it before. Sonny watched as Joel feet pulled the man closer to. He had never been so confused in his life. What were they doing in there? Sonny wondered when Joel had gotten drunk. How long had he been passed out? There was a long pause before Joel spoke again, sounding much more irritated. "Good God," He said, his voice sharp, "Can we just get on with this before I get bored and lose my excitement?"

"You're a prick. Do you know that?" The voice slipped down to his knees very casually before Joel. There was the sound of a zipper, and Sonny's heart began to race. He was worried. What could be going on in there. He watched what he could see of Joel's legs. They shook for a moment and then, his pants began to sag and crease further down my his ankles. Then, they dropped altogether to his feet, the belt open on the floor.

Sonny was scared. He was confused and scared. Why were Joel's pants on the floor? There was a muffled sort of throaty noise coming from the stall beside him. That made the teenager's heart race even more. That had to have come from Joel. He wasn't certain why, though. In a bought of curiousity, Sonny ducked his head lower so he could see beneath the stall divider, an act that he would certainly regret.

The teenager barely caught a glimpse of what was going on in the other stall before slipped off the toilet, scrambling farther into the corner. The two in the adjoining stall didn't even notice the second long intrusion they had recieved. There wasn't even a pause in the throaty, loud noises. Sonny was disgusted and confused. 

"Why had- Never mind," He thought, but stopped himself. He didn't want to know what they had been doing. Sonny could only tell by the loud noises, whatever would describe them, that it was pleasing Joel substaintually. Either that, or it really hurt. Sonny's face grew bright red, hiding his face in his knees. Pale tears sank into the worn fabric of his jeans. He was horribly humiliated. He felt creepy, even though, he didn't really know what they were doing.

For a fifteen year old, Sonny had virtually no knowledge of anything sexual. Throughout his childhood, Sonny hadn't really paid much attention in school. Not because he didn't want to learn, he just didn't know how, or he was so exhausted from whatever had happened the night before, Sonny could barely stay awake. 

Sonny listened in mostly terror to the noises that echoed beneath the stall as he cried silently into his arms. He simply wanted to return home to Joel's apartment. The teenager had no idea if he was even going to be allowed to stay with Joel. He just wanted to, and he sincerely hoped that Joel would allow him to.

After a while, there was a pause in the noises in the stall next to him, and Sonny removed his hands. He could hear giggling and a few more "mwah" noises. He wondered if they were done because what they had been doing because it had looked gross.

"I hope you enjoyed that," The other voice carried over into the stall where Sonny hid. He sounded more tired now than he had before, his voice slightly laggy.

Joel laughed in a very strange way and his pants rose. "Come on," He said, buckling his pants and leaving the stall. There was a scraping of shoes and before Joel left, Sonny caught his next sentence, "I'm sure Elias can get us a private room."

And then the door closed, and Sonny was alone.

-

The very next time the boy opened his eyes was because the bartended was standing in front of him. Sonny raised his head, blinking in the flickering light. The side of his face had been resting against the toilet. Sonny blinked and saw Elias standing in the doorway.

"What the fuck are you still doing here?" He said coarsely. The man had very dark rings around his eyes, and he seemed very, very tired. Sonny simply stared at him. Where was Joel? "Why the fuck are you still here? It's five AM! Get out!"

Sonny was terrified suddenly. This man was so angry, and as far as he knew, there was no Joel around to protect him. He whimpered, jumping to his feet. The boy didn't bother to even ask where his friend was. He pushed past Elias, into the bar, and soon, onto the streets.

The boy cried when he was outside. He pressed his pretty, pale hands over his face and let the tears run down his cheeks. How was he ever going to get home now? He had no idea where Joel was. 

The boy was alone in the cold again.

He tightened the coat around him, lowering his hands, but the tears continued to fall. He was glad he still had the large orange coat because it reminded him of his friend. It still smelled like smoke and cat urine. It made him feel closer to his friend.

Sonny opened his eyes finally, raising his head. The moon was gone, the stars were dim, and there was the brink of light in one direction of the sky. Sonny sniffled and lowered his head. The streets were entirely devoid of a single person or car. The boy rubbed his eyes, and he tried to think of the way to get back to Joel's, but he could not.

It was useless.

Realizing he was entirely alone again, Sonny began to walk alone down the sidewalk, tears running down his face. He wanted to have Joel back, his loving, gracious guardian angel. How could Joel have left him there in the stall? Hadn't he known his new friend was still sleeping away at the bar?

"Perhaps he forgot," Sonny said to himself as he stared down at the sidewalk, "Perhaps he was so drunk that... He just forgot... Besides, that other guy seemed...."

Sonny stopped talking. Maybe he had been replaced. Maybe Joel had liked that guy from Death Yells so much that he had decided that he was better friend than Sonny. Now, Joel was probably giving that guy whatever he wanted. Coats, rice, a nice bed, his cat, his mouse head.

This made Sonny feel incredibly sad.

He began to cry again so powerfully that he had to stop walking for fear he would fall down. When he had calmed down enough, Sonny opened his eyes to find a very familiar surrounding. The snow was so pretty, so untouched, that the place where he was looked like it could be in a postcard. Sonny nearly gasped when he realized it.

He was in the park where he had fallen asleep and nearly died last night.

Sonny turned suddenly. He had somehow, someway, managed to walk in the same way he had exited from the day before. In front of him was the road he had first seen Joel crossing. Sonny almost smiled as he turned and hurried out of the park, down the sidewalk, and across the crosswalk. He would be at Joel's in no time. He had no idea, really, how on Earth he had ended up in the same park. Perhaps the gay bar and the park and Joel's apartment existed in a triangle? Whatever it was, Sonny dubbed it as destiny as he hurried up the steps into Joel's complex.

A few moments later, Sonny was standing outside Joel's door. In his mind, he considered knocking, but he realized it was also sorta his house too, since he had been a guest earlier. Did that honestly made a whole lot of logic? Not really, but Sonny had no time to think. He pushed open the door and stepped into the dark hallway.

There was no noise in the apartment, except a soft snoring. Sonny closed the door behind him as he stepped forward, slipping the coat off of his shoulders, and it fell onto the floor. He was making as little noise as possible as he stepped forward into the living room, and Sonny could see Joel laying on the pull out couch.

Sonny took a short breath. It would only be courteous to tell Joel that he was home. Sonny reached out his hand cautiously and grabbed the first part of Joel that his hand could find.

Unfortunately, that happened to be his bottom.

Sonny gasped softly and jerked his hand away. It was tingling. In his sleep, Joel made a strange noise and muttered, "Not now, Frank..."

Frank? Sonny didn't even let that process. He simply nodded his head. Not now MUST have meant that Joel was totally okay with him sleeping here. Sonny breathed a small sigh of relief, mouthing the word, "Thank you."

He turned away, leaving Joel muttering obscene things in his sleep, and returned to the coat on the floor. Sonny didn't have any proper blankets or pillows for laying, but that was okay. Like stated before, he was used to uncomfortable circumstances. Sonny slowly sank to the floor, laying on the cold, rigid linoleum. He shivered, covering his whole body with the orange jacket. Sonny blinked in the darkness. He couldn't possibly be more thankful to have Joel. The affection that the small boy had for his new friend was tremendous.

He never gave a thought to the fact that Joel had abandoned him in the bar with a bunch of strangers. Or the fact his so called "friend" had forgotten that Sonny even existed. Or that Joel had left him alone, too drunk to remember he had brought a friend.

Or maybe it was Sonny. Joel had never agreed to hanging around and watching Sonny all night, much less letting him sleep in his home. Surely, when the older male awoke in the morning to find a fifteen year old sleeping on his floor, there would definitely be a lot of confusion.

Regardless, the last thought the young, idealistic teenager had before he fell was of Joel and how sincerely lucky he was to have such a great friend.

Even if it was his only one.


	6. Cancer Man

"JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY!"

Sonny awoke to feet. Feet being lodged into his side as Joel tripped over the snoozing teenager and plummeted down beside him, jarring the half awake, half-stoned man to his full awakeness. Sonny's eyes adjusted, and he could see Joel sprawled on the floor, his legs over Sonny as he sat up and blinked. His eyes grew wider when he saw the boy laying on the floor.

"Wha..." Joel breathed, his eyebrows furrowing, "What-What the fuck are you doing here?"

Sonny couldn't responded. He only lay with his cheek on the sticky, cheap linoleum, gazing at his friend. His lips moved like he wanted to speak, like there were words on his lips, but there weren't. He thought he had been welcome back into his friend's home, but he had apparently been mistaken. Joel crawled off of Sonny across the floor which allowed Sonny to sit up and look towards his friend.

"I... I... You said I could stay," He muttered, a pale hand moving to his black hair which he strung into his fingers nervously.

"What the shit? I didn't say that!" Joel yelled, growing more and more frustrated. He stood, stringing his hands in his short dirty blonde hair and began to pace, "I DIDN'T EVEN SEE YOU AFTER I LEFT THE BAR!"

Sony whimpered softly, his heart beginning to race and tears forming in his eyes. Sonny could hear Meowingtons scurry out from under the bed, probably hiding from his raging owner. He hated yelling. He hated noise. He hated when people got angry, and Joel was definitely angry. "I..." Sonny whispered, a tear sliding down his face, "I wanted to stay here."

Joel just seemed to grow more and more infuriated, his face turning red. "You wanted to stay here? No! Fuck no! This aint no orphanage, kid! You can't just pop in whenever you want!" The angry man hollered, his voice echoing off the walls.

Sonny's face turned red as he desperately tried not to cry. He leaned his head towards his chest, arms over his head in the protective way that he had learned how over the years. The teenager let the words attack him. Joel was right. His home was not an orphanage. Joel was not his caretaker. Sonny realized he had been wrong to think that. He had been wrong to even consider the possibility that Joel would want to be near him. Who on Earth would want to be responsible for such a nuisance?

Sonny slowly stood up, avoiding Joel's eyes. "T-Then... Maybe," He whispered, looking towards the hallway that lead to the door, "I should just go back to the orphanage."

As Sonny begin to walk away, a hand clasped around his right shoulder, and the teenager gasped in terror, spinning around and backpedaling a little. He saw Joel's hand still in the air, reaching towards him. "No... No wait, Kid... No," Joel said softly, the anger and redness fading from his once raging demeanor, "Wait... I didn't even know... I mean..." Joel seemed like he couldn't even form a complete thought. He ran a hand through his short hair, eyeing the ground and then blinking back to Sonny. "Shit, Sonny," He mumbled, sighing loudly as he rubbed his face, "I'm sorry."

The teenager stood there, staring at the man across from him. He could see Joel's red, bloodshot eyes from in between his fingers, tinged with the remnants of a really good night. Even though Sonny should have walked away right then, he could not. "I-It's okay," He whispered, voice trembling.

Joel seemed like he wanted to say more, but his stomach rumbled and gurgled loudly. It reminded Sonny of the day before when he had been starving. Joel rubbed a hand over his loud stomach. "I'm dying, man. Let's go eat," Joel said, and then walked to a pair of jeans on the floor. It was then that Sonny realized Joel was wearing no pants, only bright blue boxers and a black shirt. Joel hopped into the jeans quickly, shaking his legs through the holes. He slipped his hands into the pockets and pulled out a grungy looking wad of bills. "I forgot I got paid," He mumbled to himself, staring at the money for a moment before shoving it back into his pocket. Sonny wasn't surprised he had forgotten as he watched Joel fumble with his belt loop. It seemed like Joel forgot a lot of things a lot of the time.

-

Later, the two sat in an incredibly dirty diner that smelled, like a lot of things Sonny could smell, like smoke. There was visible dirt on the floor and windows. The seats were torn and yellowish stuffing was peeling out. Sonny found his eyes watching Joel pick at a hole in the seat he was sitting in, chewing on his nails as he stared at the menu. He desperately wanted to talk to Joel, but he was scared. He didn't want to make the man mad again.

He was surprised, to say the least, when Joel spoke first.

"Did you at least have a good time last night?" He asked, raising his eyes from the menu to Sonny across the dirty table.

Sonny's eyebrows furrowed suddenly. "No," He muttered stiffly, shaking his head. He had a terrible time last night, but it certainly had not been the worst night of his life.

"Jesus, kid. I'm sorry," Joel replied, raising his head sharply. He didn't sound very sorry, but Sonny didn't notice at all, "I don't even fucking know what to say to you because you don't talk. It's hard to fucking connect with a person who doesn't make an effort to communicate. Damn."

Sonny's eyes watered involuntarily. He wrapped his arms around his skinny stomach, eyes flicking to the table. He had known that his silence was annoying, but Sonny had no idea that it was really making Joel that angry. "I can't help it," Sonny whimpered, and he stared down at the table, afraid to raise his eyes.

"Can't help what?" He snapped, glaring across the table at the trembling boy, "That you're basically retarded when it comes to talking?"

Sonny burst into tears. Yes, that was EXACTLY what he couldn't help. It wasn't like he chose to be scared of every human he had ever met. No, that had been chosen for him when he was a baby. That had been chosen for him when he was forced to spend night after night in a freezing closet. That had been chosen for him every time he was knocked in the back of the head or jabbed on the back of his legs. Sonny hid his face in his hands, whimpering and weeping.

It was another awkward moment for the two, another little mark on the list of awkward moments, before Joel spoke. He groaned first, and Sonny removed his hands to see Joel rubbing his eyes. "Sonny," He began, sounding more sincere, "I-I'm really sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I've... I've never had to be quiet before... Never. I don't know how to be. You... You're like the opposite of me. It's... It's really weird."

"Not even when you were a kid?" Sonny asked softly, wiping his eyes.

"Nope," Joel answered, blinking back to Sonny. A waitress appeared beside them, greasy, black hair in a ponytail, uninterested glare as Joel ordered for both of them, not bothering to ask Sonny what he wanted because he knew Sonny wouldn't answer. Joel watched he walk away and then turned back to the kid across from him, "Not even when I was a kid."

"Don't you have parents?" Sonny asked, frowning slightly. Every kid he'd ever met, even the ones at the group homes, they all had parents. Some of them had died, or they couldn't take care of their kids or whatever, but they all had them. Even Sonny did, but he didn't like to think about them, and if the justice system worked the way it should, he'd never have to see them again.

Joel paused for a moment, a small, but not very happy smile appearing on his face. His gaze dropped to the table as two glasses of orange juice appeared in front of them. Joel took a sip and then answered, "Not anymore."

"What... What happened to them?" Sonny asked curiously, mimicking Joel and taking a small sip too. Sonny was honestly curious. Not having parents seemed really strange to him. Wasn't that how people existed?

"Do you really want to know?" Joel asked stiffly, furrowing his brow as he gazed across the table at Sonny. Sonny nodded his head quickly, and he realized why he was so curious. Joel was the strangest, weirdest, most interesting man he had ever me. Joel sighed loudly, taking another drink of his orange juice before he began.

"Yeah, nobody has ever really asked me about my folks before, man. That's why I was surprised," He leaned back in his seat, picking at a mark on the table, "But, I mean, since you asked...

"I never used to be like this, Sonny," He said softly, staring at his fingers on the table, "Dirt ass poor, playing shitty sets at shitty bars just so I can eat a meal. The biggest fucking douche in history. Nah... This... This is a new thing for me." Joel paused for a moment, and his eyes flicked to Sonny, "Have you ever heard of the Hamptons?"

Sonny though for a moment, staring at his glass, and then shook his head.

"Ah. Well, it's where I'm from, all the way across the country," He drank from his glass again, "I had lived there all of my childhood. It was so nice because it was such a freaking luxury. I had a butler, Sonny. Me. He'd make me cake and cookies all the time, and when I was really little, he'd play hide and go seek with me because nobody else was around to. I swear, kid, you haven't felt real enjoyment till you've watched a grown man in a tuxedo run around in rose bushes."

Sonny noticed a somewhat nostalgic smile on Joel's face, his slight smirk curling at the ends, but it quickly faded away. Joel waved his hand in the air. "But whatever. I mean," He shrugged, "My life wasn't all cuddly puppies and kitties anyway, but you probably don't want to hear that."

The teenager's heart leaped for some reason. His eyes widened, and Sonny shook his head. "No. I do," He said quickly, leaning forward, "What happened?"

Joel took a breath, his fingers clenching, "I had cancer."

Cancer? Sonny suddenly found himself frowning and confused. But... Cancer kills people, and, unless he really was insane, Joel wasn't dead. "But," Sonny said, blinking away his dazed look, "If you had cancer, how are you-"

"Alive?" Joel finished, taking a drink from his orange juice. He set the glass down and stared over at Sonny, "I was rich, dude. Anything I wanted, I got, and that included incredibly expensive treatment that cured my skin cancer. It's probably a good thing my parents were millionaires." Joel poked a place on his chest, and Sonny remember the day before. He remembered the scars, the white scars on Joel's chest.

"I guess," Joel continued, shrugging his shoulders, his greenish eyes staring at the glass, "Something good, as terrible as it sounds, something good did come from having cancer."

Two plates of bacon and scrambled egg landed in front of the two. Even though the diner was disgusting, the food smelled and looked like heaven. Sonny could feel his stomach growl and mouth water, but he was still in-tuned to Joel's story. "What do you mean by that?" He asked, taking the fork in his hands, eyes flicking between the eggs and Joel.

"Well," Joel began, taking his plate. He picked up a piece of bacon and took a bite off, shrugging his shoulders, "When I was diagnosed, they thought I wouldn't make it 'cause I was so sick and young and stuff, so my parents took me on a tour of the world."

"What!?" Sonny gasped in disbelief, his fork in midair.

"Yeah," Joel replied, smiling slightly as he chewed on his bacon, "I've stepped foot in every continent except Antarctica, but I really don't want to brag or anything."

"Where?" Sonny asked quickly, staring at Joel. Geography had always been his favorite class. He'd struggle and struggle to pay attention in that class because he loved it so much. Sonny remembered how he'd take his book back to his foster home and look at the pictures of the cities he would never see. Sonny would spend his time pretending he was there in those cities, living a life he would never life.

Joel began to count off on his fingers, chewing on the last piece of bacon, "Rome Italy, Paris France, Sydney Australia, Tokyo Japan, some rain forest in South America. I don't know. A LOT of places."

Sonny's mouth was still hanging open. He couldn't hardly believe that the man sitting across from him was a world traveller. Upon meeting Joel, Sonny would have never guessed that Joel had been all across the world. "That's so cool," Sonny whispered, his eyes wide with enthusiasm and interest, "You're so cool."

Joel laughed softly, shaking his head modestly. His cheeks were stained pink as he finished off his eggs. "Nah," He muttered, pushing away his empty, grease-stained plate away, "I just had money."

"But it sounds so-" Sonny stopped, a strip of bacon in his mouth. It sounded just like everything he would never have. He shook his head, "Never mind. Why'd you leave?"

Joel's smile faded again, but this time much more quickly. He stared at his empty plate. "It's not like I wanted to," Joel murmured, folding his arms around his full stomach, "I was booted out."

It had sounded like to Sonny that Joel's parents loved him more than anything if they had taken him all over the world. Why would they boot him out. "What happened?" Sonny asked softly, chopping up the eggs and scooping them into his mouth.

"Well, turns out the rich and successful don't like it when their pride and joy comes out and says that he's gay," Joel spat blankly, raising an eyebrow as he stared at the table. The waitress appeared again and laid the bill on the table before walking away. Sonny watched as Joel seemed to fade away, his happy turning to sad. "But... My grandparents send me a check each month, and I have my cat, and I haven't seen those dumb ass parents of mine since," Joel said quickly, covering up the fact he was sad. Before Sonny could say anything, Joel stood and walked off to pay the bill.

Sonny had only ate about half of his food, but he wasn't hungry at all anymore. How could Joel's parents have just dumped him off? Didn't they care about him at all? Sonny realized he wouldn't actually know since his own parents had only ever hurt him. Sonny sniffled, staring at the table. Joel seemed so broken now... Like a fallen angel. He had a very dark past, but, Sonny noticed, that didn't make him seem so sad.

Sonny liked that.

Sonny liked Joel.

The teenager's eyes flicked upwards and stared through the smoke. He could see Joel paying up at the counter, his thumb picking though the wad of bills. His eyes trailed over the older man, and he had a longing to be near Joel. As close as possible. He wanted to hug Joel to make up for what had happened to him. Sonny found himself wondering what it would be like to kiss Joel.

Those were the very first homosexual thoughts Sonny had ever had, and he didn't think anything of them.

A few seconds later, Joel returned, gesturing over his shoulder. Sonny followed Joel out the door and into the snow. It was then that Sonny realized he hadn't brought the coat with him, and he was quite cold. He longed for a hug, but he knew that it was highly unprobable. The two walked along for a moment before Joel spoke again.

"So, Sonny," Joel said softly. Sonny turned towards him, watching as white steam hissed out of his nose, "I... I don't think you have anybody, do you?"

Sonny stared down at his feet, "No." And it was hard to admit, but it was entirely true.

"No home? No friends?"

Sonny continued to shake his head, feeling rather sad. 

"Well, it seems that you must like me," Joel said. He stopped suddenly and turned towards Sonny, "And... I mean... Sheesh. You're a really cool kid. I think you could teach me a lot about myself. Earlier when I was about to kick you out... It reminded me of my parents, and, fuck, I don't want to be like them... So basically what I'm saying is," Joel rubbed his face, shaking his head, "Damnit, Sonny! Do you want to live with me and my fucking cat?"

Sonny's eyes widened. Was this really happening? Sonny had never really thought of God before, until now. Mentally, he thanked God for Joel. He thanked God for this man and his generosity. Joel had probably saved his life. Sonny found it hard to respond, but after several seconds, he began to smile for the first time in a very long time. At first, Sonny wasn't even sure if he was doing it right, but a second later, the same toothy grin was reflected on Joel.

"Yes," Sonny breathed, nodding his head happily, "Yes. Yes, I would love to stay with you."

And then, the two turned away from each other and continued the journey home. Sonny found himself wishing to wrap his arms around the older male, but he stifled them. Soon, he would be used to stifling his feelings, but for now, Sonny was elated. He was happier than he had ever been in his life.

He was also curious too.

He was curious as to what it would be like to have a home.


	7. Elvis Finklemeyer

After that, Joel took Sonny to his favorite place on earth; A dingy pet shop called, "Noah's Ark." Sonny blinked when he walked in, eyes straining to adjust to the dusty light. There were dogs in cages around him, barking and hopping around in their pens. Sonny was terrified of dogs. He scooted close to Joel, but Joel, paying no mind to the dogs or Sonny, walked right on by into another room. Sonny quickly followed, glancing over his shoulder quickly as he left the barking beasts.

There were so many cats.

They were in cages across the walls. Some of them were black or white or orange. Some of them were very small, mewing at the two people in the room. Some of them were very large, hissing in the back of their crates. Sonny had never seen so many felines in one room. He had never really been a big cat fan anyway. His eyes flicked to Joel, who was grinning like a child on Christmas morning.

Joel loved all the cats.

Sonny watched as he peeked around the end of the aisle, back into the dog room for a moment before he darted his head back in. "I don't see the cashier anywhere," He answered as he walked over to one of the cages where an orange tabby was rubbing against the gate. Joel stuck his fingers inside the cage and ran it over the cat's head for a moment. He turned back to Sonny with a devilish grin, "So let's get these guys out and let them have some exercise."

"Wh-What?" Sonny asked softly, his eyes widening as Joel easily unlatched the gate and took the tabby into his arms.

"They're in cages all day," Joel replied, setting the cat on the ground. He moved to the next cage and unlocked it, taking a furry, brown cat from it's pen, "Wouldn't you like to be set free sometime?"

"You're going to get in trouble, Joel," Sonny said with a slightly more stern, but still very shaky voice. He watched in almost terror as Joel let more and more cats out of their cages, setting the furry creatures on the floor. Sonny watched as a few scampered out of the room into the dog room. "Joel, put them back!" He said frantically, picking up a gray kitten off the ground that was trying to run off into the dog room.

"Sonny," Joel said, sounding very frustrated. He stood up, holding his arms open with a very un-amused expression on his face, "Do I look like I give a fuck?"

No. No, he didn't. Sonny couldn't do a single thing to control Joel. Sonny gulped and set the mewing kitten back on the ground. It hopped away from Sonny and disappeared into the dog room. The teenager watched as Joel emptied every last animal crate. Cats bounced around at their feet, playfully clawing at Sonny's shoe strings as he stood rigidly staring at Joel. On the last crate, Joel laughed coarsely as he grabbed the last white cat, holding it in his long hands. "Man, I used to have a cat just like this when I first moved here," Joel muttered, eyes hazed with nostalgia. He lifted the cat eye level and then shook his head, "Nah. It's not Elvis Finklemeyer."

"Elvis Finkle..." Sonny began, furrowing his brow in confusion, "Finkle...Finkle-what?"

"Finklemeyer, Stupid," Joel said, rolling his eyes as he laughed softly. He hugged the cat for a moment before setting it on the floor, "Yeah... He was my old cat that I adopted when I first moved here."

"What happened to him?" Sonny asked, wrapping his skinny arms around his shaking body.

"Eh... He ran away," Joel muttered, shrugging like he didn't care. Sonny didn't believe his cool composure. Meowingtons seemed to be Joel's whole entire world. Could he have possibly once shared that with another cat?

"Do you miss him sometimes?" Sonny asked quietly, tilting his head.

Joel paused for a moment, watching the cats mill around the room, and then, he slowly nodded his head. "I do," Joel admitted, folding his arms around his chest, eyes stuck to the floor, "But... I just feel like I'll see him again someday, you know?"

Sonny didn't, but he nodded his head anyway.

"I mean, don't lost things always find their way home? Isn't that just how it works?" Joel asked, desperately seeking an answer, but before Sonny could do anything, there was yelling in another room.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE ALL THESE CATS DOING OUT?" 

"Shit!" Joel hissed. He leaped over several cats to where Sonny was standing, grabbing the teenager's arm. Sonny's heart jumped, but he pushed that away. A grin emerged on Joel's face as his eyes met Sonny's for an instant before he pulled on Sonny's arm and jerked him out of the room, into the first room, outside, and down the street, laughing like a madman at his stunt.

When they were a considerable distance away from the shop, Joel ducked into an alley, his puffs of laughter, turning to harsh coughs. He stumbled a few feet off the sidewalk and slouched his left side against the wall. Sonny watched curiously as Joel bent forwards slightly, his coughing and retching shaking his whole entire body. His hat slid from his head onto the slightly slushy ground. Sonny didn't know what to do as he stood there, wringing his hands as he watched his friend cough. After a minute or two of hacking, Joel finally calmed down, pressing his back against the wall. His face was pale as he slowly slipped to the ground, head tilted towards the gray sky, eyes shut and trembling.

Sonny was scared to speak. His lips shook as he watched his friend sit on the ground, sniveling and shaking. "Are... Are you okay?" He asked quietly.

"F-Fine," Joel muttered rigidly, wiping his lips on the back of his hand. His eyes moved back to the concerned Sonny, and he shook his head. "Don't worry, Kiddo," He said, shaking his head certainly, "I have the immune system of a pickle, and that, mixed with my Smoker's Cough, I'm a walking bag of infection."

Sonny didn't know what to say, so he just stared at Joel on the ground. The older male took a few moments to catch his breath before he grabbed his hat and rose to his feet, sniffing his nose very loudly. He motioned down the alley, and he began to walk away from where he had been coughing onto the sidewalk again, knowing Sonny would follow him.

-

When the arrived at Joel's apartment, the first thing Joel did was strip off his jacket, throwing it to the ground before he sank onto his bed. Sonny followed him in rigidly, his arms against his chest nervously. Meowingtons ran to greet Joel, darting into his lap, meowing with delight. Joel's eyes flicked up to Sonny, standing motionless a few feet away.

"You can sit down if you want," Joel offered, his hand moving over his cat absently, "I mean, it's kinda your house now too."

Sonny's eyes widened. That made him nervous, but he very carefully moved across the floor, and he sat down beside his friend. He could trust Joel, couldn't he? Meowingtons meowed again, hopping from Joel and onto Sonny's lap. Sonny was certainly surprised. He didn't know what to do. "Look at that!" Joel said excitedly as he stood up, grinning, "My fuckin' cat loves you!"

Sonny started to smile just the tiniest bit. He very carefully ran his hand over the cat's head and back. "He's soft," Sonny noted as Joel stomped off into the kitchen. The teenager could hear a refrigerator open and then shut with a slam. Joel returned to the kitchen doorway, bottle of fresh beer in his hand. That made Sonny's stomach drop.

"You're goddamn right," Joel said, standing in the doorway, tipping back the booze, "He's the best cat in the world."

Sonny thought of Elvis Finkleton or whatever his name had been. It made him sad that Joel had lost his cat. Sonny wanted to make up for the loss of his pet, but he didn't know how. He wanted to know how. He wondered if Elvis was still alive even. What were the odds of that anyway? He didn't really know. 

Sonny could hear Joel shuffle around for a moment before he crossed the room and sat beside Sonny on the bed, facing the kitchen doorway like the teenager was. Sonny could see from the corner of his eyes that Joel was removing his hat. The older man ran a hand through his short hair before speaking.

"You're really weird, Sonny," He said softly before bringing the bottle to his lips.

"What?" Sonny said in disbelief as he turned towards Joel, brow furrowed.

"I mean that in a good way," Joel said defensively, raising and eyebrow as he turned his head towards Sonny, "Like... You're interesting and kinda strange. You're like the smallest, weakest sixteen year old I've ever seen, and this is coming from the same dick that had cancer." Sonny didn't know what to say as Joel continued. "Like, I'm not being a douche, dude. I am complimenting you. Don't you get it?" Joel said, growing more impatient.

Sonny shook his head quickly, and Meowingtons hopped away from him. Sonny got one fleeting glance of the cat's tail as he ran off into the kitchen. "I don't get it," Sonny muttered, drawing his legs onto the bed and folding them.

"Of course you don't," Joel muttered, sounding very frustrated as he stood with his bottle, walking to the dirty window, "You don't get anything."

That hurt. Sonny's head slowly sank. Joel could be very mean when he wanted to be. What was with him. He folded his arms around his chest. "I can't help it. I already told you," Sonny whispered timidly.

"But why?" Joel spat, spinning around from the window, "What's your problem even? I don't know a goddamn thing about you."

Sonny started to cry. He tried to stay quiet, but his shaking sobs raised in volume as he hid his eyes with his hands. It hurt him to think about. No. He didn't want to speak of it. He didn't want Joel to know. He didn't want to know anybody to know. Besides, were the notes on his body not enough clues? Was Joel just that blind?

"Sonny... Don't... Hey, man..." There was a pause in the nervous, slow voice. Sonny could hear Joel cross the room as he walked to where Sonny was sitting. He sank down onto the mattress beside the small teenager as he cried. Sonny could tell Joel was uncomfortable, and he didn't know what to do. That made Sonny feel bad. He pulled his hands away, tears running down his pale face, and he blinked to Joel, who looked pretty upset himself. 

Sonny moved his hands and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his worn and torn jacket that he'd been wearing for years. "I'm okay," He choked to make Joel feel better as his arm folded itself around his chest again, eyes turning back to the floor. No, he didn't want Joel to know, but... What if it would be easier if Joel knew? Wouldn't it? Wouldn't Joel understand more? Sonny drew in a soft breath.

It was an awkwardly quiet moment that hung between Sonny's breath and when his trembling voice filled the air. "I... I was hurt... A lot... When I was younger," Sonny whispered, like there was somebody very close by who he was hiding the knowledge from. Sonny kept his eyes on the floor. "They did a lot of things to me," Sonny whispered again. He rolled up his sleeves, revealing his pale skin to Joel. There were burns along his arms. Perfect circles along the white flesh. Sonny could see Joel's mouth drop open, so he slid his sleeves back over his arms and looked away, "I wasn't there for long."

The teenager almost regretted telling Joel that much. Sure, that was not the whole story, and he didn't know if Joel would ever hear the whole story, but that was all he could utter for now. Sonny stared down at the floor, his face blank. Joel's breath was very short and quick beside him. Sonny almost believed he could feel his friend's heart beat. 

Then, without warning, the older male grabbed Sonny in a hug. Sonny was terribly surprised. He yelped and attempted to pull away from Joel, but Joel's grip tightened around him. Sonny's heart raced, but he stopped struggling when Joel leaned his head beside his ear. "I'll keep you safe here with me, Sonny," Joel whispered softly into Sonny's ear, "I may seem like a douche, but I'm gonna promise you that much. You'll be my buddy. I'll keep you safe. This is a safe place."

Sonny softened suddenly in Joel's grasp. A safe place. He loved how that sounded. He had never felt safe ever in his life, but now as he sat in the grasp of his guardian angel, he felt a warmth, a long saught after feeling he had always wanted.

He felt safe.

Sonny nearly cried, but for once, he did not. He kept his cheek against the older man's shoulder, and he nodded his head very slowly.

Safe.

-

A few hours later, the sun began to set. The two had spent the afternoon making each laugh. Sonny felt much lighter than he had ever felt in his whole life, but as night began to fall the awkward reality of what was to come hit him. He was nervous about sharing a bed with Joel, so he very calmly allowed himself to sleep on the floor like he did most nights, curled up in the orange jacket. As he lay there, he could hear Joel yawn a soft goodnight and fall back onto the mattress. It was a good night indeed.

He could hear the cars driving around on the streets below. He envisioned white steams puffing from their tailpipes, red lights reflecting off the smoke as it hovered past the foggy windows like ghost into the dark, starless sky. Sonny could hear muffled voices from the other apartments. Sometimes, there was yelling. Sometimes, there were noises Sonny couldn't really explain. 

But, sometimes, there was loud laughing.

Sonny did not know what they were laughing at, but he didn't need to know. They were happy. He was happy. He shared their laughter silently, a small smile placing on his face as he lay in the dark.

After a few minutes, Sonny sat up on the ground, and he looked to Joel laying on the bed. His mouth was open and drool was rolling down his face. Sonny almost giggled. He knew what he wanted to do. He crawled onto the bed very carefully and allowed himself to look over his friend. Joel's hat was gone to reveal the thin, blonde hair. He didn't have a shirt or pants, simply blue boxers. His legs were curled up against his body, and there were goosebumps across his skin. Sonny scooted closer, his heart pounding, and he touched Joel's cold arm for a moment. Joel muttered something in his sleep that Sonny couldn't really hear.

Then, in one quick movement, Sonny slid himself between Joel's arms, laying down on Joel's bed. He pulled the blankets up to their necks before he slipped down just a bit lower, snuggled between the man and the blanket. The teenager smiled to himself as he lay there. He thought of the night before. How he had walked home crying, thinking he had been replaced. He could never be replaced. Joel had taken him in. He was safe.

He was in a safe place.

At least, that's what he thought.


	8. My Feelings

It wasn't much later. Maybe only two or three weeks from the first night Sonny and Joel had met that it had started. Things had been going extremely well up until that point. Extremely, extremely well. The two had emerged as an inseparable pair. They spent day in and day out together, wandering the streets together like they owned the city. Over time, Sonny had grown incredibly close to Joel. Even though weeks had passed, Sonny still hadn't spoke of his past, his parents, or where he had came from. He was fearful of what Joel would think or say to have such a beaten, defeated teenager under his wing. What if Joel kicked him out? Sonny wasn't so sure of that at this point. The two were very close, and the fear of being back on the streets again was becoming more and more distant in Sonny's mind. He was certain he was safe with Joel.

So finally, the night before it started happening, Sonny decided to tell Joel. Even though he did not want to, and the thought made his stomach lurch, he decided it was necessary.

The night before, the two lay on the roof of the apartment complex, Meowingtons laying between the two as they stared up at the foggy blue sky. The stars blinked down from wherever they were in space, and it seemed to Sonny, that they burned bright just for him. Something had been changing inside Sonny in his time with Joel. Perhaps he was not yet aware of it, but there was a certain change. A certain change indeed.

It was very quiet, except for the distant sound of cars on the streets below. For once, Joel wasn't loudly filling the air with obscene and vulgar language, which Sonny had grew to love. Sonny was beginning to love all of Joel's quirks. Like how he spoke to all cats like they could speak back. Or how he slept with his backside in the air and face shoved in the pillow. Or how he would randomly come behind Sonny and lift the smaller boy into his arms, and carry the teenager princess style down flights of stairs or up the sidewalk, attracting the stares of passersby. It used to scare Sonny, but now, he laughed, quivering in in Joel's strong arms as he carried him along. Sonny loved that the most. It reminded him of how he had spent all those years wishing for a hero.

Now, he had one, and his name was Joel.

The night before it started, it was not cold at all. The winter was finally ending, and the large, orange coat could finally be shed from Sonny's slim shoulders and used as a bedding on the hard floor that was the roof they laid on, staring up at the starry sky. The sky was so beautiful, Sonny thought to himself. It had tints of purple and blue and just a tinge of orange in the west where the sun just barely hazed over the horizon. In weeks before, Sonny would have never stopped and thought about how beautiful the sky was. He hadn't the time for that. He would have gazed up and thought, "the sky" rather than "the sky is so beautiful." It was amazing how alive he felt.

And he wasn't scared any more.

No quite confident, but not quite the frightened child. He was stuck somewhere shallowly in between the two. Still quiet but not a mute. Still jittery but not the chihuahua he was before. 

Sonny was ready.

He didn't want to break the silence though. He wondered what Joel was thinking right now. Sonny very slowly turned his head towards Joel, whose eyes were staring off into space. Sonny still after all these weeks, thought Joel's eyes were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Sonny took a breath, gripping his hands.

"I never told you," Sonny began, his voice shakily filling the air, a feeling he wasn't used to, "Why I was on the park bench that night."

Joel turned towards Sonny, a look of confusion and then a small smile surfaced on his face. "Oh right," Joel said, laying on his side so he could see Sonny. He grinned and rubbed his face. "I forgot about that, actually. It just kinda felt like you'd lived with me forever," Joel paused, laughing softly his hands lowered from his face. He sighed and turned towards Sonny, "I'm curious though. What's up with you?"

Sonny watched him for a moment before laying back on his back, staring up to the sky again. He knew he couldn't tell Joel if he just stared at him straight on. That scared him. He knew he'd break right down and cry. So, he closed his eyes and gathered his thoughts.

"I don't know why it was, really. It seems like it was a whole century before this, but it wasn't. It was only a few years ago that I was still there with them," Sonny sat up, folding his legs on the hard floor. "My parents. I mean... I didn't have a childhood like your's, Joel. Your's sounds so... So awesome! And mine was so..." Sonny looked away, his lip quivering, "Terrible."

Joel didn't say anything, so Sonny continued. "I bet you've noticed the weird marks and stuff on my arms and the scars on my cheeks. It's hard not to," Sonny wondered why Joel had never said anything. Usually, somebody somewhere asks what they're from. Sonny had never really gotten to explaining it before. He'd usually start crying before he could finish. Sonny took a deep breath, "I... I do have parents, I guess. I'll never see them again though. At least, if they stay in prison.

"They used to hurt me, Joel. It had been happening since I can remember. Probably forever. I don't even know what I did," Sonny paused as a tear ran down his face, "I guess they probably just hated me. I mean, my parents, especially my dad, would hit me all the time. Or kick me." Sonny rolled up his sleeves to reveal the faded burns on his arms, "Or burn me... It happened a lot at night though... After they were drunk and mean or whatever. They'd drag me from my closet, which was also my bedroom, and beat me. I don't know why they did it, Joel. I don't know at all. I was just a little kid."

Another tear ran down Sonny's face. "I was taught not to talk ever. It made them hurt me a little less. If I didn't cry out or scream, they'd get bored and throw me back in the closet. I always knew that I could relax a little when one or the other picked me up and tossed me back against the wall," Sonny rubbed his eyes, choking back tears, "Towards the end, it got really bad. At some point, I got thrown around enough that my right arm got fractured. Up until then, the school I went to had been paying little attention to me. I... I wonder if anybody, any of my teachers, even noticed. I mean... I never said anything, but it's because I was so scared. I didn't think there was any way to escape. When... When I came to school, and I could barely use my arm, they called me into the office. I-I remember the principal and counselor and a cop were there.

"They asked me the first question, but I was already crying so hard that I couldn't answer. I don't remember it now. I think one of them tried to hug me, but I pushed them away and cried harder," Sonny's voice broke as he remembered, "I never went home. They pulled me that day, and I went into foster care. I... I chose not to testify at the trials of my parents. And... I haven't seen them since then.

"I.. I've been in and out of foster homes. Like, I'd do these week long trial periods with families to see if I was going to be okay with them and stuff. I'd fail every single one. I don't even know what I'd do wrong. I'd go in feeling all confident and then," Sonny paused, sniffling softly, "They'd send me back a week later, and I'd have to listen a room away while whatever family was bringing me back would talk loudly to the lady in charge about everything that's wrong with me.

"I just couldn't take it anymore," Sonny whispered, tears streaming down his face, "So, I ran away. I ran away and ended up on that park bench, starving and freezing. It was stupid, but... I'm glad I did it. I'm glad you found me."

And then, it was silent. 

The big mystery was now revealed. That wasn't everything about Sonny because some parts of his past were still shrouded in darkness, and the scars were too new. Mentioning them now would be comparable to reopening them, and Sonny wasn't quite sure what would happen them again. He was scared of triggers.

Joel simply lay there. When Sonny turned back to see his face, it was blank. He showed no emotion, except for maybe a deep thought process attempting to be carried out, but other than that, nothing. Sonny could hear him breathing softly, barely a hiss from where he lay. Meowingtons meowed, but Joel paid him no mind. He just lay there motionless.

Then, in one very quick move, he grabbed Sonny and thumped the teenager against his chest and pulled him back to the ground. Joel wrapped his strong arms around Sonny, holding him tightly like the boy could just slip away. Sonny couldn't hold himself back. In the tight embrace, he began to sob, tears streaming down his cheeks. He buried his face into Joel's shirt. It felt different to cry even though he had cried thousands and thousands of times before. It felt better now. Instead of crying just to cry, he was crying for a purpose. 

Somebody was there to listen.

It hit him then. Like a lightning bolt striking his back. Like the weight of a speeding car slamming into an unsuspecting body. It was at that moment, that exact moment, on the roof of Joel's apartment, laying on his chest, sobbing uncontrollably, that it happened.

Sonny raised his head for barely a moment, pausing in his crying, and his eyes met Joel's still blank face. His heart raced and hands tensed. He could feel his palms sweat and body begin to tremble. At first, as his eyes scanned over what he could see of Joel, he was unfamiliar with this feeling. He thought for a moment that perhaps he was just feeling longing for Joel. He had those feelings off and on the past couple of weeks. Longing to touch and hug and even kiss, but he pushed those thoughts away. He had to. 

But now, as he lay there, heart to heart, Sonny knew it was something else. This was deeper than the superficial longing for touching that he had felt before. This was much, much deeper.

And it was then and there that Sonny realized it.

Sonny Moore had fallen deeply and intensely in love with Joel Zimmerman.

That made Sonny start to cry again. He wasn't sure why, but it did. He buried his face back in Joel's shirt and chest and let his sobs shake the both of them. The feeling was nice, of course, but it was also terrible. How could he have let this happen to him? This was disastrous. Joel could never, ever know ever. Sonny could remember at one point that Joel had said that he never wanted a serious relationship because he liked fucking guys too much.

It was hopeless.

He was in love with his only friend whom never would love him back, and that is surely a tragedy.

But, Sonny was mistaken. At that moment on the roof, his life was at the best point it would ever be for the last time, or... At least for a very long time. As terrible as it is, in a very short time, his feelings for Joel would be the very, very least of his worries, paled entirely in comparison to the other things going on around him. Even though Sonny's love for Joel, however new, was strong, it was nothing compared to what would come very, very soon.

And it would all start tomorrow.

The worst was yet to come.


	9. Glass

The following morning, Sonny woke up alone. He was a little confused as he sat on the pull-out bed, Meowingtons by his hip, when he remembered the night before. Joel had carried him like a princess from the roof and onto their bed. In Sonny's half-awake state, he had grabbed after Joel, but Joel stepped back, said something, and then left. Joel did that sometimes. He'd leave for a party after Sonny slept, but he'd always be back before or shortly after Sonny woke up.

Always.

Sonny wasn't too concerned just yet. He stood up, bare feet touching the sticky floor. He yawned for a moment, and he started off to the kitchen, sidestepping Joel's various burnt up blunts on the floor. Joel liked to be high, Sonny noticed. He'd light up almost every single night no matter what. The marijuana didn't really change how he acted, honestly, but Sonny wondered if that was maybe because Joel was always high.

That was a possibility, of course.

Sonny scooted into the kitchen and stepped up to the fridge. He pulled it open, but when the smell anihilated his nostrils, stepped back and closed it. His stomach rumbled, and although he had been used to being hungry before, he had stepped out of that phase since moving in with Joel. His hunger now was nothing compared to what it had been before, and that was wonderful.

So, Sonny settled on a glass of water. He took a smudged glass and filled it up with the slightly murky water and graciously took a drink, standing beside the sink and staring out the cracked kitchen window. The view outside wasn't fantastic. Just the side of the next apartment building and a bit of the gray sky above that. He sighed, stepping back away from the window, glass still in hand and walked back into the living area. It was always so boring without Joel around.

Sonny sat down on the bed and folded his legs, setting his glass in the space between them. He thought of Joel and his new found feelings for Joel. Sonny had pondered over them most of the night last night after Joel left. It didn't make any sense to Sonny, to say the least. How in the world could he had developed feelings for his best friend?

Of course, Sonny didn't stop and think, really, about the circumstances. The truth of the matter was that Sonny had gone most of his life without love or caring or affection. But now, he had Joel. The first person to show him interest, and Sonny fell in love with him.

It really made sense.

It was about that time that there was a strange noise from the front door of the apartment. Sonny turned his head swiftly towards the door, heart racing. There was somebody outside, whimpering and beating against the door. Sonny hesitantly rose, setting his glass on the floor, and walked to the door. He would never, ever answer the door if Joel was home, but even though there was more danger now that Joel was not home, Sonny knew he had to. It could be Joel.

Sonny approached the door cautiously. His hands twitched as he laid his hands over the door handle. The whimpering continued until he opened the door.

"Joel?"

Joel had been on his knees leaning against the door. His knuckles were skinned from where he had been banging against the door. Sonny was so shocked, he couldn't speak. His lips moved soundlessly as the older male crawled on the ground into the apartment. "C-Close the door! Close the door!" He commanded, his voice louder and more frantic and feverish than Sonny had ever heard it. Without questioning anything, Sonny spun around and slammed the door. Joel stayed on all fours, panting for a moment before he rose to his feet.

"Th-They're after me... They want my crystal. They want my-" He stopped suddenly and threw off his baseball cap. Hidden inside it, something in a baggie fell to the floor. Sonny took a step forward. He didn't know what it was... It was clear, and even just looking at it, it gave Sonny a sick feeling in his stomach.

Joel began to pace, scratching at his face, sores arising on his cheeks and neck, eyes frantically searching the room, "Th-They're after me.. They're after me..."

"Who is? Joel, what's going on?" Sonny whispered, terrified beyond all lengths of the word. His whole body shook as he stood back, eyes flicking between the baggie on the floor to Joel sweating and panting.

"T-There are bugs... Bugs in my skin. GET THEM OUT!" He screamed, his scratching intensifying. It seemed like Joel was about to cry as he panicked. Sonny couldn't see any bugs. He back himself against the wall, hands pressed over his cheeks as he cried and watched in terror. Something was seriously wrong with Joel. Seriously, seriously wrong.

Sonny bet it had something to do with the baggie on the ground.

He started towards in, hands outreached, only to find them suddenly subdued. Sonny gasped and found himself pinned to the floor, Joel holding him down above him, yellow teeth gritted, eyes red and blood shot. Sonny screamed, pressing on Joel. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET OFF OF ME!" He screamed in terror, tears running down his face. Joel had never dared to touch him in this way. Sonny was terrified.

"YOU'RE NOT GETTING MY METH! YOU'RE NOT GETTING MY GLASS!" Joel screamed, squeezing Sonny's wrists so tightly that they burned. Sonny screamed out again, closing his eyes as he lay subdued. He struggled helplessly, but Joel was so much stronger.

"JOEL! LET GO OF ME! PLEASE!" Sonny yelled out again, his voice strained as he cried. He started to struggle. He didn't want to hurt Joel, but he needed free. Sonny started kicking and flailing in a frenzy, and his right foot made contact with the front of Joel's pants. Joel let out a gasp of air and released Sonny. The teenager scrambled to his feet, standing a foot away and staring at Joel, who was clutching his crotch and almost crying. Sonny only stared at him for a moment longer before he turned and rushed out the front door, slamming it behind him as he sprinted out into the early spring morning.

-

Sonny didn't stop running until he was several blocks away. Since moving in with Joel, he had grown to learn the area fairly well, so he wasn't necessarily concerned about finding his way back. That is, if he ever did go back. His wrists ached as he stopped running, breathing heavily, in the middle of the sidewalk. Sonny stood still, tears running down his face as he rolled back his sleeves. Purple bruises were surfacing on his wrists.

Joel had made those bruises. The same Joel who loved cats. The same Joel who carried Sonny like a princess. The same Joel who had held Sonny last night as he cried. The same Joel who comforted Sonny on nights he couldn't sleep. The same Joel who Sonny had fallen in love with.

Sonny started to cry again, sinking down onto the steps of the building he was standing by. He buried his face in his hands and let the tears roll. He wrapped his arms around his legs and hid his eyes on his knees. He sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, letting the crying shake his body. Just when things were getting better, just when he didn't feel so sad and alone, this happened. He felt ruined, destroyed.

He felt like crying.

Sonny couldn't begin to fathom how his life had taken a nose dive within the span of a few minutes. The one person whom he loved and cared about had hurt him, bruised him, broke his heart. Sonny buried his face in his knees, sobbing loudly. It just wasn't fair. Sonny's mind flicked back to the stuff in the baggie. What was that stuff? Sonny could recall that it had been called three names- Crystal, Glass, and lastly, Meth. Somewhere inside his brain, Sonny could remember hearing meth being mentioned somewhere, but he wasn't sure where. Perhaps somewhere in school, but most of the things he had learned in school were completely useless to him now.

He lifted his head slowly, wiping his blurry eyes. People passed by in front of him, but they pretended not to notice the crying teenager. What was there to do now? He couldn't return home right now or at least for a few hours. Not while the bruises on his skin were still so fresh. He left out a shallow, helpless sigh. He hated being alone so much. Since he had started living with Joel, he had rarely ever had to be alone. Since then, the teenager had gotten much to used to Joel's sweet company. Now that he was out on his own, he felt naked, uncomfortable and sad.

Sonny realized then that he was sitting on the stone steps of something. In his frenzy of sobbing, he had sunk onto the steps of some building. Curiously, Sonny stood and took a few steps forward, turned, and then peered in the sun at the building. To the side of the steps was a white sign that read "Carnegie Public Library."

A library.

That seemed like a safe and reasonable place to hide out for the time being. At least, until he felt that the boiling waters back at home had simmered, however long that took. Sonny wasn't a very good reader at all, nor was he a very intellectual teenager. That's not to say he wasn't smart. He was incredibly smart, just not when it came to books and reading and memorizing. Sonny supposed though as he stood there that there was never a prime time to start reading. That, with practice, he could be as good and smart as anybody else.

"Maybe," Sonny foolishly thought, "If I get really smart, Joel will be so impressed with how smart and good at reading I am, he'll stop taking... Whatever it was." Those thoughts didn't really make any sense at all, but they did to Sonny. He was willing to convince himself of anything at this point. So, eager with a hunger for knowledge, Sonny hopped up the steps into the library.

He couldn't really remember a time that he had been inside a library before now. His wide eyes looked among the large towering monstrous selection of books. Sonny noticed that wherever he looked, there were books, in piles on floors, shoved in their leather into shelves, stacked on the end tables, in the arms of the people who passed by. Books upon shelves upon walls upon walls upon walls. Sonny was in awe. He didn't know that there were so many books in the whole world.

"Do you need help finding anything?"

Sonny turned his head slightly to see a very old woman standing beside him. She had white, frizzy hair spiraling out of her bun on her head. She was very small and frail looking, wrinkles on her paper thin skin. She was almost shorter than Sonny. Sonny blinked to the floor. He thought he looked so silly, standing there and staring at the books everywhere.

"I've never been here before," Sonny whispered awkwardly, not answering her question directly.

"Oh! Well then, how about I show you around?" She offered, a smile on her decrepit, old face.

Sonny thought that over for a moment. He was already so overwhelmed by all the books, he didn't really know where to start. A tour would be great. All Sonny wanted was to escape from the reality of what had happened to him earlier today. That was all he wanted. So, very slowly, Sonny nodded his head.

The old woman, whose name was Mrs. Festerberg, showed Sonny all around the library. She started with the children's section, which was filled with fairy tales of knights and dragons and wizards and godmothers whom granted wishes to the unfortunate. Sonny found himself wishing as they passed that he could have his wishes granted by a fairy godmother. She could make him beautiful, and she could make Joel love him, and Elvis, whom Sonny had never stopped thinking about, come back home. All those things sounded so, so nice, but they would never happen. He was not beautiful. Joel did not love him, and Elvis was not coming home.

Next, Mrs. Festerberg showed Sonny the romance books, which had to deal with unrequited love and star-crossed lovers with set fates. Sonny wondered as he peered at the many spines, why there weren't very many, if any, stories about two guys instead of a guy and a girl. Perhaps liking guys wasn't as normal as he had originally thought. Who knew?

Then, the old woman took Sonny through the mystery novels, and the books about history, and the books filled with maps and pictures of the world. Sonny stopped here, picking up a large book that read "1001 Places to See Before You Die." He flipped open the book to the first page he saw. On the full color page, there was a picture of pyramids in the middle of the desert, their large bodies of sand surrounded by people whom were as small as ants pointing up at the great sculptures. Mrs. Festerberg appeared behind Sonny, peeking over his shoulder at the large picture. "Ah! The Great Pyramids of Giza. They were built thousands and thousands of years ago, you know," She said, nodding her head.

"My friend has been there," Sonny said, his eyes still on the picture, "Have you?" He figured she probably had since she was old, and she knew some stuff about it.

"No. I've always dreamed of it though. I'm afraid I'm too old now," The librarian said, shaking her head as she stepped back from Sonny. There was a pause as Sonny flipped to the next page, which was of a very crowded looking city that had signs in a language Sonny didn't even know was a language. "Do you like geography?" The old woman asked curiously.

"What?" Sonny asked furrowing his brow, eyes still on the book as he flicked to the next page, which was of a beautiful beach.

"Geography, the study of the earth, it's features and inhabitants," Mrs. Festerberg answered, nodding her head towards the large book in Sonny's hands.

Geography. Sonny thought for a moment as he looked at the beach. He knew he would never see that beach, but he wished he could. He wished he could see all the places in this book, all 1001. It pained him that he'd never be able to see those places. He'd never be able to sit on that beach and soak up the sun. He'd never be able to look like an ant in front of those pyramids of... Whatever. He'd never be able to go to that crowded city, but he so longed to. Tears filled his eyes as he stared at the page. He wanted to run away to that beach, or those pyramids, or that city. He wanted to, but he could not.

Sonny nodded his head.

"I do too," She said cheerfully, smiling at Sonny for a moment. There was another pause as she watched Sonny stare at the book. "I'll be up at the front desk if you need me. Have fun," She smiled warmly once more before she disappeared between the aisles down the steps back onto the first floor, leaving Sonny to his picture book.

-

It was much, much later the next time Sonny saw her. He had lost himself in the realm of that book. He had carried the large book over to a very large, red chair and sank himself into it, propping the book on his knees and staring at the pictures. For the rest of the day, Sonny immersed himself in the full color pictures. He would stare a single picture for hours, eyes studying every single detail, holding the massive book so close that his nose could nearly touch the colored dots that covered the pages.

After a very long time, there were footsteps near the teenager, and he raised his head. For a moment, he was foolishly expecting Joel with open arms ready to be forgiven! which would sure happen. It wasn't Joel. It was Mrs. Festerberg, peering at Sonny curiously as she approached. The old woman had a very small smile on her face as she stepped cautiously towards the teenager curled into the chair.

"I can't believe you're still here," She said sweetly, stopping a few feet away.

Sonny didn't respond. He simply stared at her over the book indignantly.

"Well, anyway," She continued softly, pressing her hands together, "It's... It's very late. The library is closing soon, and you'll have to go."

Sonny didn't want to go. He knew if he went home, things would just be worse. For all he knew, Joel could very well still be freaking out. Sonny's wrists ached at the thought. He was frightened. Very sadly, Sonny rose, book still in hand, and he walked to the shelve where he had gotten the book from so long ago and morosely returned it.

"You really like looking at that book, don't you?" Mrs. Festerberg said from behind Sonny. Sonny rigidly nodded his head. "Well, this IS a library. If you want, you can check it out, take it back home, and bring it back later. How does that sound?" She asked kindly, smiling towards the teenager.

That sounded wonderful. He could keep the book for comfort and escape into it whenever he felt like he needed to. "I would love that," Sonny answered, taking the book back in his hands and following the old librarian back to the front of the library.

When they got there, Sonny signed a slip of paper in his terribly sloppy hand writing and handed it to the librarian. Mrs. Festerberg took the book and scanned it and then handed it back to Sonny. Before Sonny took it, she paused, and her slightly hazed eyes stayed on Sonny's disheveled appearance. "You know," She began softly, "It's really not a terrible world, Sonny. It's just full of terrible people."

Sonny knew that. He had known that forever. His eyes stuck to the librarian's desk. Her name plate sat prominently in the center of the table, shining back at the teenager. His lips trembled, but he didn't want to cry. Not now. Sonny nodded his head, taking the book into his arms. "You're welcome to come back whenever," The librarian continued almost desperately in a worried tone, "Any day of the week."

Sonny turned to leave, but he stopped, head down, and then turned back to the old woman. Only two words surfaced on his lips. A very small smile appeared on the teenager's pale face, "Thank you."

Then, Sonny Moore turned around and left the library, clutching the book to his chest as he began the long, cold trek back to his home.


	10. Chance

When Sonny got home, his heart was racing, and his book was latched tightly in his arms against his heart. He pushed open the door, arms and body shaking and peered inside. There was no wailing or moaning or screaming. Sonny took a step in and closed the door behind him. His eyes widened in the darkess, and his heart dropped sourly.

The apartment was completely trashed. Before, Sonny had loved how their home had always been in a slight disarray. It made him feel more at home because the house wasn't near perfect and neither was he. But now... There was just something disturbing about how dismantled the whole room was. The stacks of records that had once stood so neatly now lay sprawled across the floor. The one floppy pillow, now a pitiful sack, had been ripped open and clumpy stuffing was scattered on the bed and floor. There was broken glass and various puddles along the floor. Posters had been ripped from the wall, their tatters strewn around. Sonny took a step forward and looked further.

In the kitchen, the cabinets were all open. Pots and pans were all over the floor. A large bag of cereal had been split open and round, colorful off-brand cereal pieces dotted every surface. The microwave was on it's face on the floor, and Sonny noticed the cord had been cut.

There was the sound of retching and hacking.

Sonny raised his eyes, and he could see the bathroom door ajar, light streaming out in an oblique line across the linoleum. Sonny took a few cautious steps towards the door, his trembling legs struggling to keep him up, book clutched tightly around his chest. When he pulled open the door, there was his friend, vomiting violently into the toilet, entire body quaking as his body twitched. Sonny could only stare at his sores, the ones Joel had caused on his cheeks and neck. They were red and raw and new. So terrible, so awful to be staring at, but Sonny couldn't take his eyes away.

After several painful minutes, Joel stopped, spit into the toilet once or twice, flushed, and then, he stood slowly and his eyes fell on Sonny. He glanced over Sonny for a moment, blood-shot eyes hesitantly examining the boy before he pushed past him into the kitchen, stalking by and flopping onto the couch. Sonny took a breath and then turned, following Joel. He knew he had to speak. He knew it was completely crucial for him to say something, anything.

Sonny stood in the doorway, wringing his hands and holding the book to his chest. "You... You hurt me, Joel," Sonny whispered, "I'm.... I've got bruises."

"Well, shit, Sonny," Joel snapped, his back to the teenager as he buried his face in the mattress, "Good fucking evening to you too."

Sonny winced. That was so incredibly rude. He took a step forward. "You threw me to the ground," Sonny whispered, feeling tears in his eyes, "You were hurting me. I... I felt like I was at home... and not in the good way."

"You actually think I meant to hurt you?" Joel said, a harsh laugh in his voice. He sat up and faced Sonny, a line of moonlight across is pale and bloodied face, "Don't tell me you got all worked up over that? Jesus, Sonny. I was just having fun, and I got out of hand. I know you're a pale, awkward virgin bastard, but don't tell me that you're expecting to restrain me on what I do. Don't even start."

Tears ran down Sonny's face, and he was glad it was dark and Joel couldn't see. "Joel!" Sonny gasped, his voice breaking, "I don't know what you took, but don't anymore! I hated it! I hated what you did!"

"Shut the fuck up, Sonny!" Joel finally snapped, throwing his hands in the air, "You're not my fucking mom, so don't act like it, and shut your goddamn mouth like you usually do. If you're just going to act like a bitch, go away."

Joel was different. Sonny didn't know if it was the remnants of the drugs, but something had changed. His voice was louder. His words were ruder. He was different.

And Sonny hated it.

Sonny turned away from Joel, sobbing loudly, and hurried into their bathroom. He slammed the door behind him, and the boy sank down to the floor, letting his cries shake his body. He could hardly believe what had just happened, nor did he want to. He wrapped his arms around the book in his grasp and cried into the hard cover. The one time Sonny had been able to talk, and Joel had been so mean. Why was he so mean? Sonny couldn't think straight. He clenched his hands tighter and cried and cried.

After some time, Sonny opened the book and wiped away his tears. He touched the glossy pages longingly as he dreamed of the pictures. He would love to be taken there, lifted like an angel from his life of terror and hopelessness to these beautiful places. To monuments, to gardens, to places of mystery, to ancient cities, to beautiful forests, to obelisks and towers, deserts and oceans. Anywhere.

He found himself wishing for a hero again like he had in days before. He wanted a hero now. He needed a hero, and Joel was not one. Joel was a time bomb, ticking and ticking away.

No.

Sonny shook that off as soon as the thought crossed his mind. Joel was his hero. Joel would always be his hero. Joel saved his life once. Didn't that make him Sonny's hero? Could Sonny only have one hero? He didn't know. Sonny could only cry as he stared at the book from where he sat on the floor.

He wanted to be carried away from his life. He wanted to be free from this terror. He wanted anything more than to be where he sat in this terrible life.

Sonny did not know what would come of his situation as he sat on the dirty floor in the dirty room of the dirty apartment, but he had the sickest sinking feeling that the worst was only to come.

-

The following morning, Sonny left the bathroom to find that Joel was gone. He didn't allow himself to wonder or worry of where Joel was. Sonny left the apartment, nearly slamming the door behind himself and took off into the early morning light.

Within a few minutes, he had already tracked his way back to the library that he had spent the previous day at. Carrying the book against his chest, he hopped up the steps into the ominously large building. It still looked exactly the same to Sonny, which was comforting compared to the whirlwind mess he'd go home to this evening. He clutched his book and looked around the large room, basking in the golden morning light.

"Sonny?"

He turned to his right to see the old woman librarian, Mrs. Festrerberg, with a cart of books coming up an aisle towards him. She smiled in a very warm way when she was close enough and looked him over. "Why, you're back early," She said, aged hands gripping the cart.

Sonny nodded slightly, his eyes moving towards the floor. "I brought back the book," He muttered softly, "I didn't finish it."

"Well, it's a good thing you don't have to give it back yet. You can keep it as long as you want," She replied in a very matter of fact tone with a small smile on her face.

"Really?" Sonny asked, a sense of curiosity in his voice as he raised his head towards the old woman. He shook his head, "It might be a while. I can't read good."

"You can't? Why can't you read well?" She asked softly, turning back to her cart and frowning, "Here, follow me and you can help me put these books away. I can't climb the ladders anymore."

Sonny liked the idea of being helpful. He followed the old woman down an aisle and shrugged his shoulders. "I couldn't pay attention in school. I mean... When I was even there," Without a pause, the boy delved even further into his personal life, " I don't even go to school now." Sonny pondered for a moment whether he should even be telling this old woman this, but he did like Mrs. Festerberg quite a bit. He liked how smart about books she was, how she seemed to care for Sonny. He appreciated that.

"You don't go to school?" She questioned, stopping the cart before a black ladder that reached to the top of shelf far above Sonny's head. Mrs. Festerberg pointed a few feet up where there was a gap between two books, and she handed his a black covered book, "This goes right there."

Sonny took the book and hesitantly started up the ladder. "Not anymore. I don't think Joel finished school either," He muttered as he climbed the rungs. His distraction with climbing the ladder had turned off his internal filter. He hadn't even realized he had said Joel's name. The teenager was very concerned about slipping and falling, but his grip held as he found the row of books where the gap was and slipped the book into it's place.

"Is Joel your father?" Mrs. Festerberg questioned from the ground, her head turned back towards the books to conceal her worry over the boy.

Sonny gripped the ladder and climbed down to the ground. "No," He said when he reached the ground. He thought for a moment, his mind turning away from the concentration of climbing to filtering the conversation. He remembered the books about princesses and princes, not princes and princes. Perhaps, he would hold off on saying he was in love with Joel. "He's my friend," Sonny muttered, following the old woman down the aisle.

"Do you live with Joel, or your parents?" She asked as they stopped in front of another ladder, and she handed him two books this time and pointed to a place higher than the last.

Sonny bit his lip and started climbing, his filter turning off. "Joel. I don't know where my parents are," he said bluntly as he concentrated on not slipping off the ladder. He wasn't even aware or what he was saying or how dangerous it was or what could be on the line, but Mrs. Festerberg did.

"Oh, honey," She cooed, watching Sonny from where she stood on the ground, "Do you like living with... Joel, did you say his name was? Do you like it much?"

"I... Did. I used to," Sonny said from up on the ladder, shaking as he reached the place where the gap was and slid the books into place, "He scares me sometimes."

"Why does he scare you?" Mrs. Festerberg asked, worry growing on her voice as she watched Sonny climb down the ladder slowly, wringing her old hands.

"He's loud. He smokes a lot. He parties. He has a lot of... Uh... One night boyfriends, he called them, and they scare me," Sonny counted off as he reached the end of the ladder and stepped off. He paused, staring at the floor, realizing what he had said, Sonny's face turned red, and he pretended like he had said nothing. A moment later, he would have started speaking of what Joel had said last night, calling Sonny a bitch. No. He wasn't going to tell her that.

"That doesn't sound like a safe environment. Especially not for such a sweet boy like you," Mrs. Festerberg stated as the reached one last ladder at the end of the aisle, and she handed two more books to Sonny with shaking hands. Sonny didn't notice this, but she was nearly crying.

Sonny reluctantly took the books and climbed the ladder again, his mind going back to climbing. He bit his lip. There was one question Sonny had, but he was so terribly nervous. What if he got Joel in trouble? What if it was a very, very bad question, and suddenly, Mrs. Festerberg didn't like him anymore. No. Sonny needed to ask. He took a shaky breath as he reached the top of the ladder. "Mrs. Festerberg," Sonny asked, pressing the books into place, "What's meth?"

-

A little while later, Mrs. Festerberg had successfully gotten Sonny to divulge much of his life to that point by distracting him with simple tasks and asking him questions. Sonny didn't know this, but over her many years, the old woman had learned how to un-hatch the human mind, and she had very easily done so with Sonny. It wasn't in a rude or evil way. She was simply worried about the nervous young boy, and rightfully so, she learned.

In turn, she had told Sonny a little of her own life, how she lived with her only daughter in a townhouse by the library. Sonny had learned that she was a widow, her husband dying years and years ago from a heart attack. He learned, enviously, how she had been to France and England and Italy on her honeymoon so long ago.

By evening, the two felt as though they knew more about each other than either had bargained for a day before when Sonny had stumbled into the library. Now, as Sonny clutched more books he had accumulated over the day, he realized what he had done, all the things he had said, how much of his life was in her hands. As much as he trusted the librarian now, he was still very scared.

And he started to cry.

"Please don't tell anybody," He sputtered, tears running down his face desperately as he stared at the old woman, "I don't want Joel to get in trouble."

"I'm not going to tell anybody, Sonny," She said softly, shaking her head, "But I don't like the idea of you going home to Joel. It's not safe. It's not a safe place anymore."

Sonny's lips trembled as more tears ran down his face. "I know, but..." Sonny muttered, lowering his head, "I have nowhere else to go. I can't go back to the orphanage. I refuse to."

"But you're not safe with Joel either," She whispered. Sonny was very surprised when she raised her hand and laid it on his right shoulder, "Listen here, I have an idea."

Sonny raised his head.

"What if... You gave Joel one more chance tonight. If you go home, and he hurts you, says something rude, then tomorrow when he leaves again, pack your bags, come here, and you can come and live with me," Tears rimmed the old woman's wrinkles eyes, "How does that sound?"

Sonny's mouth dropped open. He couldn't believe his luck. This... This was perfect. As much as leaving Joel would hurt him, it needed to happen. Joel was dangerous. As much as Sonny loved Joel, this was a better opportunity. This was better. He suddenly dropped his books to the floor and grabbed Mrs. Festerberg in a hug. He buried his face in her shoulder sobbing and sputtering, "Thank you! Thank you!" Desperately over and over.

She patted his back softly and when he let go, she patted his head. "And, I think it's a shame you can't read. Everybody should be able to read. Books are free adventures that nobody should be robbed of.," Mrs. Festerberg smiled softly, "If you came and stayed with my daughter and I, I could teach you how to read properly."

Sonny's eyes widened, "Y-You mean that?" It sounded too good to be true.

Mrs. Festerberg nodded her head once and glanced towards the door. It was getting very late. "Please be careful tonight, Sonny. I'll have a bed made up for you tomorrow if it's necessary," She said kindly, still smiling in that nice old lady way.

Sonny began to smile towards her in a way he didn't know he could. He gathered the books he had dropped in his arms and smiled towards her once more. "Thank you," He whispered to her sincerely as he turned and stepped out into the cold winter night, holding the books to his chest like a shield. Secretly, Sonny wished something would happened when he got home. He wished that Joel would yell or call him names or have a boyfriend over. He wished for one more blemish on Joel's record, something to destroy his one last chance, so Sonny could go and live happily with the librarian. It was a rash decision, but it's what he wanted. Leaving Joel would make him sad, but staying there would make him even more sad. Besides, there was probably another man somewhere in the world who would actually love Sonny and not call him a little bitch.

Sonny liked that idea.

He smiled to himself as he walked home in the dark. It was funny, he realized, how quickly life can change. Very funny indeed.


	11. Funny

When Sonny got home, Joel was, in fact, either very drunk or very high. He grunted to Sonny as he pushed past him out the front door of the apartment complex as Sonny was coming in, mouse head hiding his scratched up face. Sonny stood on the steps watching Joel wander down the street, probably going to some rave party or something. Sonny stared at his back until it faded away, and then he spoke.

"Maybe I won't even miss him when I'm gone," Sonny whispered in the darkness as he turned towards the door, "Maybe I won't even remember his name in a few months... He'll be ol' Joel Whatshisface." Sonny laughed softly at the thought as he approached the elevator and took it to the forth floor.

The following afternoon, Sonny woke up to noises in the apartment. He had fallen asleep attempting to read, his nose almost pressed to the page as he tried to sound out words in the dim light, eyes strained, Meowingtons pawing at his leg and mewing. It had been futile, and Sonny had barely passed the fifth page of a book meant for children by midnight, when he curled up on the bed, hugging the books and the cat to his chest. When his eyes opened the next afternoon, there was a ruckus in the next room. Sonny blinked in the hazy light and for once, felt very well rested. He couldn't remember a time when he had slept so late. He sat up and stretched, listening.

Coming from the bathroom, he could hear moving around. Sonny was confused. If it was Joel, why had he not woken up Sonny? Sonny bit his lip and approached the door very hesitantly. He laid his hand over the doorknob and pulled it open.

He wasn't about to say the sight complete surprised him, because it didn't. It shocked him, sure, but it certainly didn't surprise. On the floor, Joel lay in his boxers with another man, whom, was entirely naked, his face down on the floor. Joel was awake. The whole room reeked of booze and smoke, and Sonny pressed his hand over his nose.

"You don't knock much, do you?" Joel said coarsely. He glanced at his partner on the floor and then stood, abandoning the naked man and walking away, past Sonny.

Sonny looked down at the man's backside one last time before he closed the door and looked at Joel. "Is he going to be okay?" Sonny asked watching Joel move around the still wreck of a room.

"I don't know. I don't really care," He muttered, moving to a cabinet. Joel pulled it open and took a tiny blunt from inside a zip-lock bag, "Get me my lighter. It's in my pants." He gestured to the jeans laying on the linoleum by the bathroom door.

"Who even is he?" Sonny asked as he bent down and stuck his hand in Joel's pockets. In one pocket, Sonny's hand found a shiny, small package. Joel was always carrying at least one of these, and Sonny had not the slightest clue of what they were.

"Leave that in there. I might need it later," Joel commanded, leaning against the counter. He paused for a second and waited for Sonny to toss him his blue lighter. Joel lit the blunt and took a puff, closing his eyes. "I don't know. We... Met last night, and he wanted to get to know me better," Joel shrugged his shoulders, "If he doesn't wake up by tonight, I'll dump him off somewhere."

"When did you get home?" Sonny asked, looking over at Joel nervously. Dump him off? What if he was sick or dead or something?

"I don't know, Sonny. I don't remember a single fucking thing from last night," He snapped, holding the blunt between two fingers as he glared over at Sonny, "I blacked out when I got home. I don't even know if I actually did anything with that guy. That's how drunk I was." Joel moved his free hand to his head and rubbed his temple, "Fuck this hangover."

Sonny decided at that moment he was going to tell Joel of what was going to happen. He felt confident. Sonny raised his head slightly. "I'm not going to be living here anymore, Joel," Sonny announced proudly, "I'm moving."

Joel's hand stopped moving on his forehead. It moved down to his side, and he opened his eyes, raising an eyebrow, "You... What?"

"I'm moving," Sonny repeated, his eyes moving to the floor where the black and white tuxedo cat came scurrying in to Joel whom ignored his meowing.

Joel kept his accusative eyes on Sonny, face completely unreadable, however, Sonny wouldn't have been able to read it anyway. "Yeah, I fucking got that," He said sharply, holding out his right hand where the blunt was, "What do you mean? Are your parents out of prison or some shit?"

"No," Sonny muttered, his eyes on the floor, stiffening when his parents were mentioned.

"Then, what? Did you find another model citizen who will take you in like I oh-so graciously did? Who saved your life this time? A saintly prostitute? Or better yet, a convicted felon? Just a step up the totem pole from me," Joel's eyes were bloodshot, evil, and very angry. The blunt dropped from his hand and he growled, "Well, who the fuck is it?"

Sonny didn't answer.

"You see, Sonny? That is what I fucking hate about you. That right there," Joel started, pointing an accusatory finger towards the twitching boy, "You act like you're so smart, so confident, and then, you can't even finish a sentence. Hypocrisy. Christ, just grow up already!" Sonny could feel tears running down his face as he stood rigidly in the middle of the room. Joel had most certainly changed. "I had shit happen to me when I was a kid too! Fuck! I was the kid who got cancer for Christmas. My parents haven't spoke to me in three years. I've been smoking marijuana since age sixteen and methamphetamine since yesterday, and I'm beginning to believe I might be an alcoholic," Joel was getting louder now, "But you don't see me sulking and boo hooing around, do you? No! I'm fucking happy as a fucking lark!"

Sonny covered his face, sniffling behind his hands. "You act like life happened to you. Like your life is the worst possible horror anybody can imagine. Well guess what? Life happened to everybody. Get over it, Sonny," Joel finished, his voice hoarse and shaky from his unnecessary monologue.

Sonny removed his hands from his face, and he stared at Joel with a certain amount of dislike. Sonny wondered how he could have ever had feelings for a man so mean, a man whom hated himself so much, he turned it onto others. Sure, Sonny as he stood there still did have feelings for Joel, but he so desperately wished to turn them off.

"You're happy?" Sonny questioned, his hands shaking as he stared at Joel, "You don't sound happy."

And with that, Sonny turned, gathered his books off the bed, walked through the destroyed apartment, and out the front door, not bothering to close it and not noticing the black and white creature scurry by his feet. 

-

Sonny didn't even cry as he walked up the street in the afternoon light. He was a little worried that he hadn't bothered to pack any clothes, but then, he realized Joel had never bothered to buy him any clothes. Sonny was sure he stank, but nobody around him ever seemed to notice. He kept his eyes on the sidewalk as he stepped through the crowds of people that would occasionally pass. 

Sonny, despite all that had happened, was feeling incredibly optimistic. His naive mind was barely thinking about the way Joel had treated him and the things Joel had said. Those days were over now and everything was absolutely perfect. He could barely wait to live with Mrs. Festerberg and her daughter, whom, Sonny thought her name was Lila or something. He couldn't seem to remember. It would be amazing.

Perhaps, after all this time, he could finally have a family. 

People who would love him and appreciate him and not call him awful names. Maybe this time, they wouldn't hurt him, or burn him, or scream at him. Maybe this time, it will be better.

Sonny hopped up the steps, smiling to himself as he clutched his books to his chest. Yes, everything would be perfect this time. Everything.

When he stepped in the library, Sonny was a little surprised when he wasn't immediately met with the warm hug of the old woman. He frowned slightly and looked around. There were a few people milling about the library, books in their arms, but he didn't see Mrs. Festerberg. Sonny took a few steps forward, looking down the aisles he could see. She was nowhere. Sonny settled on that she may be in another part of the library doing something, so he turned around to where her desk was, and something, rather somebody, caught him by surprise.

Behind the desk, there was not the kind old woman who always offered help. No. Behind the desk, there was a young woman in a red sweater. She had black hair that sloped over her shoulders and a pale complexion. Something was very familiar about the woman, but Sonny couldn't place it. The woman had a box, and she was gathering the objects on and around the desk and putting them into a box. When she grabbed the golden nameplate from the top of the desk, Sonny approached quickly and slammed his books that he had been holding onto the desk.

"Wh-What are you doing with that?" Sonny asked frantically. His pretty, pale fingers stretched forward and snatched the nameplate out of her hands and cradled into his.

The woman turned her head towards the teenager, and Sonny could see lines of tears streaking down her face. Her eyes and cheeks were red and puffy, like she had been crying a lot. She stared at Sonny for a moment before she spoke. "I'm cleaning up," She said rigidly and held out her hand, "If you could give that back, that would be great."

"No," Sonny said defiantly, holding the nameplate closer, "Who are you?"

"Look, kid, please give me a break," She said, more tears running down her face, "Please? I mean, God... My mom died of a heart attack this morning. Just give me a break."

Sonny's heart nearly stopped beating. He looked at the nameplate then at the woman. 

That's when it hit him.

"You're... You're Lila," He said softly, his hands beginning to shake, "You're her daughter... You're Mrs. Festerberg's daughter..."

Her face softened suddenly, and the woman across the desk stood straight up, "And you're Sonny." More tears ran down the woman's face, but neither one of them spoke. They simply stared at each other in a quiet moment of recognition that made Sonny feel sick. After a minute, Sonny held out the nameplate and handed it back to her wordlessly.

"She told me about her offer... What she said to you-"

"Don't worry about it," Sonny cut in, his eyes on the corner of the desk, his face expressionless.

"Are you sure? Because-"

"I said, don't worry," Sonny snapped again, his voice still rigid and emotionless. His eyes flicked up to Lila, whose eyes were filled again with tears, and he looked away, "She was my only friend."

Sonny gathered the books that had been on the desk in his arms again and turned without another word out of the library and down the steps and onto the sidewalk. He would never return there again. 

Sonny did not cry as he walked. He did not sob and weep and carry on. He didn't even feel like he needed to. Sonny felt emotionless, like an obelisk or a statue from those pictures. Deep down, Sonny really felt like he was the one who had died with Mrs. Festerberg, and you don't cry when you die. You just die.

As he walked, Sonny thought about how ironic this was, how this, sincerely, was just his luck. His one friend in the whole world, and he had lost her. Life was funny to Sonny like that. 

He tightened his grip around the books as he walked. It was back to Joel now, wasn't it? He didn't want go back. He didn't want to face Joel's cruel words and accusations. He didn't want to hear the sarcastic remarks and rude names. No. He wanted to avoid that, but it was completely inevitable. He would have to go back eventually.

Joel didn't like him anymore though, Sonny realized as he walked with his books aimlessly down streets, his mind a haze. Joel really, really didn't like him. Sonny wondered if he could find a way to make Joel like him again. He wondered if maybe, just maybe, there was something that would spark the once so fiery affection, and perhaps, even turn off Joel's lust for those drugs. Sonny did not like those drugs.

Sonny walked completely without reason for hours to avoid the terror and depression of his situation. He wandered to a park of town he had never been to, and he worried not for his own safety. He passed rigidly by crowds rigidly and kept his eyes on the ground. Sonny was not feeling confident. He was not feeling insecure.

He felt lost. He felt confused.

He felt numb.

It was late when he finally raised his head. The street lights had kicked on. The crowds had left the sidewalks. The sun was long gone. Sonny was in a district of town that Joel was probably familiar with. There was garbage in the streets and bars over the pub windows. It smelled like beer something terrible, and Sonny clenched his hands. He knew he needed to go home soon, but he didn't want to. He really, really didn't want to.

It was at that point when something white scampered between Sonny's legs and down the sidewalk. Sonny blinked and trailed it with his eyes, confused for a moment until his legs took off at nearly a run, and he followed the small creature.

It was a white cat.

Deep down, Sonny knew it couldn't be Elvis. He wanted it to be so badly. Perhaps, if he caught it and brought it back to Joel, Joel would like him again. Sonny's heart raced as he hurried after it. He needed to catch that cat. He followed it up the sidewalk, chasing it until it sprinted beneath a dumpter beside a shady looking bar. Sonny dropped to his knees, still holding the books in his arms and peered beneath the dumpster.

"Here, kitty," He cooed to the cat hiding as far away from Sonny as it could, "I need Joel to like me again. Come here." He reached his free hand towards the cat when he heard a noise behind him. Sonny's heart dropped into his stomach as he turned and looked behind him where the door to the bar was. Two very large men came from inside, laughing loudly and sloppily as they stepped out of the door. In an instant, their drunken eyes fell on Sonny on the ground, and they stopped laughing almost immediately, and a sick feeling engulfed Sonny.

He very slowly stood, abandoning the cat, and he stared at the men for half a second before he made his next move.

Sonny dropped the books and took off at a sprint, leaving "1001 Places to See Before You Die" in a mud puddle. He sprinted as fast as he could up the sidewalk, slipping as he attempted to turn into an alley and falling onto the street. He gasped and whimpered where he lay for a moment, taken completely by surprise, when he heard the approaching footsteps and deadly cackles, and he realized the desperation of his situation again, leaping to his feet and sprinting down the alley.

When he met the end of the alley, he pressed himself against the brick wall, scratching it like the wall would open to a safe place. A safe place. He wasn't safe. Sonny turned slowly, his back against the wall in the darkness to see the two men lumbering down the alley towards him. Terror swooped through his veins as he sunk to the ground, his entire body shaking.

Sonny could sense that the two men at the end of the alley wanted something from him. Something evil and wicked. Sonny didn't know how he knew this, but he did, and he felt nearly sick.

He knew they were going to get it.


	12. Innocence

It was almost funny how Sonny stood there and watched as they approached. His life flashed before his eyes, and there was nothing worth mentioning. It was only sad and painful and miserable and cold. Sonny trembled as they approached, and he could sense their wanting. Sonny wanted to go home back to Joel. He wanted to run away, but Sonny knew he wouldn't get far before he was cornered again.

So, he stood there, his arms wrapped around his jacket and chest, hands shaking as they got close.

When they stepped close enough, Sonny could see their faces, long and intoxicated as they closed the distance between themselves and Sonny. Sonny couldn't breath as they drew closer and closer. They stank so terribly of booze, it made Sonny almost want to throw up. He clasped his hands over his mouth and nose, but that didn't help.

One of the guys smirked and stepped much closer to Sonny. "You're a tiny little shit," He noted, grabbing Sonny's shoulders. He smirked and pushed Sonny as hard as he could. Sonny stumbled around and landed against the other man who gazed down at him with a sinister smile.

Sonny let out and gasp and tried to break away. "Let me go," Sonny said desperately, attempting to get away. He just wanted to go home. As he took a step away, a strong, rough hand appeared on his shoulder.

"Oh no, you don't."

Sonny was thrown onto his back on the ground. He gasped, rolling onto his side and covering his face, head, and neck. This was exactly like his childhood. He expected kicking and punching and pain. And yes, that did come. The two guys took turns nailing their boots into his back and chest. Sonny whimpered, but he kept his face hidden. Flashbacks of the many beatings before came back to him, how he had cried in his closet for hours and hours afterwards, how the bruises had never properly healed, how people would question them from time to time. Who would question them now?

Sonny could feel blood on his clothing and bruises popping out across his back. He wasn't sure how long he lay there in the dark as they kicked his still body, but it felt like an eternity. After some amount of time, Sonny rolled onto his stomach, a bit of blood running from his nose, when a pair of hands grabbed his waist.

"It's done! It's done!" Sonny whimpered, his voice screeching as he tried to crawl. His hands dug into the dirt. Sonny wasn't at all scared of being beaten, but the fact that he had been beaten and now they wouldn't let him go, it terrified him. There was stifled laughter behind him as one of the men stood in front of Sonny, his hand moving to his zipper.

The man behind Sonny ripped his jeans down to his knees, "This kid needs to learn how to change his underwear."

"NO! NO!" Sonny screamed. He shut his eyes and tried to thrash around. His body was in fight or flight mode right now. "HELP PLEASE!" He cried into the empty alley, but, if he had learned anything in the past few years, nobody was coming to help him.

"Shut him up," The man behind Sonny hissed. There was a grunt of a reply, and before Sonny could realize what was going on, there was an incredible amount of sudden pain behind him. So sudden, he gasped and cried out again, lowering his head as the pain ceased and then game again just as suddenly. It felt like no sort of pain Sonny had ever felt. He cried again, just as loudly.

"I said to shut him up!" The man growled again, his hands tightening around Sonny's hips. The pain paused and then pounded again, moving his entire body, and Sonny screamed, straining his voice.

The man in front grunted and suddenly, Sonny found himself not able to scream anymore as something large was shoved inside his mouth. Tears of humiliations streamed down his face as he gagged, attempting expel the thing, but he couldn't. The man in front slapped Sonny's head with his hand, jarring the teenager only a little.

"Suck, you little slut," He hissed. Sonny didn't know what that meant, and his head was met again by the man's right hand, "I said to suck."

So, Sonny did, and the pain in his backside never subsided. He couldn't scream out anymore as he was pushed back and forth on both sides, sobbing hopelessly. There was a fired deep between his legs, and he could feel blood run down his thighs and into his jeans around his knees. He wanted to scream so badly, but all he could do was follow the command and gag every once and while. The constant and frantic rocking back and forth made him feel like he was on a boat, but this was not the kind of boat he wanted to be on.

He was being intruded, and the pain was unbearable, but he could do nothing for it except take it. He was weak, knees trembling as the rocking and constant pounding on both sides increased substantially. Sonny kept his eyes shut and tried to drift away, tried to take himself anywhere else, but he couldn't. The only reality that existed was the one where he was being violated in a way that he had never experienced before.

Raped.

He wasn't sure how the word had came to him, but it had. Rape. That's what this was. Brutally, mercilessly, and sinisterly raped. Sonny couldn't think of an act so evil, so terrible, as what was happening to him. They were ripping away his innocence, tearing away at the only thing Sonny had left in this world, and he was losing it.

He had lost it.

It was gone.

After what felt like an eternity of rocking and tearing, Sonny felt the man behind him pause, moan quietly, and then rip away from Sonny. It was less than a second later that the man in the front groaned, and something very disgusting shot into Sonny's mouth, causing his eyes to fly open. Sonny's first instinct was to spit it on the ground, but a hand flew into his hair as he tried to pull away, and Sonny was forced to look up at the man.

"Swallow it," He growled, his grips in Sonny's hair tightening, "Now."

So, Sonny did.

The two men stepped away from Sonny, and there was the sound of zippers. Sonny was so weak, he slumped onto the ground. He felt like an ocean in which those two men had invaded and peed in. As he lay there, their boots collided with his body once more, and Sonny cried out quietly, but it was pointless. There was a chorus of snickering as the two eyed over their victim one last time, and then, they left the alley, leaving Sonny as a pile in the mud.

He shakily stood on his elbows and felt his disgust rise. Sonny gagged and threw up onto the ground, his whole body trembling as he let go and vomited like that would erase what had happened. It wouldn't. It never would. He spit a few times, hacking desperately, before he collapsed onto his side, whimpering and in pain.

He was different now as he lay there, covered in mud and blood and sweat and other things. Who on earth could be so evil, so vile, so wicked as to hurt another human in this way? Taking something so precious, so priceless, that can never ever be returned.

And it never would be.

As Sonny lay there, he realized that he would never be able to tell Joel of what had happened. He would never tell Joel of his rape, if he could help it. Never, ever by his own choice. He couldn't bear it, and, chances were, Joel wouldn't care at all. Sonny cried harder as he lay there, sticky with blood. Rain began to fall on the teenager as he gripped the mud. He remembered something Mrs. Festerberg has said so long ago.

"It's really not a terrible world, Sonny. It's just full of terrible people."

Sonny didn't believe it. The world was terrible and ugly. There was no beauty, no justice, no love, no God. There was only hatred and evil and pain. As Sonny crawled to his feet, he let the tears run down his face as the rain picked up pace. He was changed. He was bitter. He was different.

Sonny pulled his underwear up, and his hands shook as they found his pants. He whimpered as they settled over his backside and he took his first, shaking step. He was in an extreme amount of pain, and Sonny didn't have the strength. He cried out and fell into the mud again. He needed to get home. He needed to get out of these clothes and shower. Sonny had never felt so unclean and destroyed in his lift.

He gasped as he lifted himself to his feet, zipping up his jacket, and he started off, pulling his hood over his head. He limped down the alley, hood hiding his face, pain circling his body as he found the sidewalk and very hesitantly glanced down it. The street was empty, and Sonny was incredibly relieved that the men weren't waiting around for round two. He turned down the street and limped all the way home.

Some time later, Sonny was outside of his apartment. When he was in the light, he could see the blood spots on his pants and the mud all over his body. He was a mess. Sonny held his breath as he pushed the door open. Secretly, he hoped Joel was awake and not high and concerned about Sonny. He hoped that he would ask Sonny what was wrong and, maybe then, Sonny would tell him.

Maybe.

Sonny limped inside, and he was surprised to hear pained sobbing. Feeling very apprehensive, Sonny took a step forward to see Joel alone in the middle of the bed, surrounded by bottles, hopelessly wasted. His hands were covering his eyes, and his cries were filling the whole home. It was disturbing. Sonny had never seen Joel cry before. When Sonny stood in front of him, Joel removed his hands, still crying, and pointed to Sonny. "It's your fault!" He yelled, his voice straining, "You are the reason Meowingtons is gone!"

Sonny only stared at him.

"You left the door open when you left, Sonny! He ran away! I searched all day, and he's gone. My only friend and you ruined it," Joel cried, his whole body quaking. He slammed his hands down on the bed, and then, he bent his whole body around, hiding his face in the stained mattress and let his sobs continue.

Sonny remembered how he had left in a frenzy, and the door... There had been a blur of black and white sprinting to get away.

Meowingtons.

"You were so determined to leave, and now you're back," Joel hissed from where he sat, "What? Did they decide they didn't want you? That you're too fucked up anymore for anybody to love? Is that what that is?"

Sonny couldn't take it anymore. He broke away from Joel's gaze and rushed over to a pile of clothes. The words hung in his throat, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't say it. He picked up a change of clothes when Joel decided to speak again. "You're bloody, kid. What happened? Did you fucking cut yourself? Decide life sucked too much and you wanted to call it quits?"

Sonny tried to leave, tears running down his face, but even as he ran to the bathroom, Joel's words attacked his back.

"You're supposed to cut your WRISTS, stupid, not your ass!"

Sonny burst into tears as he slammed the bathroom door behind him. He switched on the rusty, creaking shower and slipped out of his ruined clothes. For a moment, he stood there naked, watching streaks of blood drip down his leg before he stepped into the shower. The moment the water hit his skin, Sonny collapsed onto the shower floor and sobbed, his pretty, pale hands hiding his face. He let the water wash away the blood between his legs and the water turned an unhealthy pink color.

As Sonny lay there on the shower floor, his back against the drain, he wondered what it would be like to die. The world held nothing for him anymore. Not love, not family, not friends.

Not even his innocence.

Sonny didn't think anybody in the world would miss him because the only person in the world whom had ever cared for him was now dead.

It just wasn't fair.


	13. Haircut

When Sonny opened his eyes, it was morning, and he was wrapped in the floppy blue blanket. He was disoriented. The last thing he could remember was sobbing on the bathroom floor. He figured he must have slipped out of consciousness from his extreme exhaustion. As he lay there, most of the previous day was a blur. Sonny could remember bits and pieces and the blood running down his legs and the fire that had been burning deep inside him.

He whimpered in the silence when a new noise invaded his ears. He blinked, listening to the terrible hacking cough. Sonny sat up, brushing away his long black hair to see Joel at the end of the bed, body hunched over as he coughed. After a few seconds, Joel paused and looked over his shoulder to see Sonny awake. Sonny glared at Joel as he remembered how rude Joel had been the previous night. It had been uncalled for the things he had said.

"Sonny, I..." Joel began awkwardly, running a hand through his short hair, "I... I am... So sorry."

Sonny just stared at him.

"Sonny, really, I'm so sorry," He continued, his voice shaking, "I was just so upset about Meowingtons, and you got in the crossfire." Joel turned back towards Sonny completely, rubbing his forehead, "And, Jesus, Sonny. I've just been such a douchebag since.... A while. You know I don't mean it, right?"

Sonny wasn't so sure, but he nodded his head anyway.

"All I'm saying is that I'd do anything to be your friend again," He said, holding open his hand, "Like, anything, Sonny. Just say the word."

A part of Sonny wanted to tell him what had happened. A part of Sonny wanted to spill the terrible tale of the evil that had invaded him. He couldn't though. He just couldn't. It wasn't that easy, and it would never be that easy. Sonny shook his head. "Nothing, Joel," He muttered, rubbing his sore leg, "You don't have to do anything."

"No, really, Sonny," He said desperately, "There was no reason for what I did. I just want to be your friend again because you're such a good friend." This made Sonny smile just the slightest, and Joel reflected his smile, "What? You like that?" He moved across the bed and pressed on Sonny's shoulders, so he was laying on his back and Joel was over him, "Should I spend all day like this complimenting you?" From any other person, Sonny would have been terrified, but... Somehow... He didn't feel this way with Joel. Even after everything Joel had said, Sonny could still feel himself falling in love with his best friend, falling into his trap.

And that was not good.

Sonny started to laugh. He had no idea how he could possibly be laughing after everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, but he was. Joel's touch, even though Sonny wanted to be mad at him, was reassuring and warm. Sonny smiled up at Joel, shaking his head, "N-No. You don't have to do that."

"Good," Joel said, sitting up and letting go of Sonny, "Because I wouldn't do that anyway." Sonny sat up too, brushing his hair out of his face. It was still a mangy, grungy mess even though Sonny had taken a ridiculously long shower. Dirt and matts of dried blood were clumped down towards the ends. Sonny felt like a mess.

"Your hair is nasty," Joel noted as he watched Sonny struggle with the disgusting tangles, "You need a hair cut." Joel had said this several times before in the past, how Sonny's hair made him look homeless and gross. In the past, Sonny had ignored him. He liked his hair because he had used it to hide the bruises on his face when he was living at home. Now, he used it to hide the scars.

Sonny shook his head. "No, I don't," He muttered, folding his arms around his chest.

"Yes, you do. Let me cut your hair, Sonny. You need a fucking hair cut," Joel said, but he no longer sounded like he was giving a friendly suggestion. It was a demand. Sonny felt like he wanted to cry, but he knew he couldn't say no. Joel was going to do this whether Sonny liked it or not.

"F-Fine," Sonny agreed half heartedly and stood up. He ached all over, especially deep, deep inside his body. He winced, rubbing his leg, and Joel stood up beside him.

"Shit, Sonny," Joel muttered, glancing over his bedraggled friend as if just noticing his sorry state of affairs for the first time, "What the fuck happened last night?"

At that second, Sonny realized right now was his choice. He could tell Joel right now of what had happened. He could spill the whole sad story and fall apart right here, right now. Maybe Joel would understand if he did. Maybe he would.

Or maybe Joel would kick him out! That was always a possibility. Maybe Joel wouldn't want more bonus emotional baggage to follow him around with Sonny. That seemed more likely. Joel wouldn't understand what Sonny had gone through, especially right now. Sonny bit his lip and half lied, "I got beat up."

Maybe Sonny would tell him one day, but today was not that day.

"Oh," Joel muttered and then walked away into the kitchen. Sonny could hear him fumbling around awkwardly in the cabinets, so he followed him in there. "I guess I didn't know I mean," Joel continued on, his face red as he opened drawers at random. "Yeah... Like... I guess you shouldn't have been out at night is what I'm saying. You're just asking for trouble then." There was a pause, and Joel opened another drawer, "There it is!" From inside the white drawer, Joel produced an electric razor with a long, blue cord draped off the side. Sonny didn't really understand why Joel had this because Joel was probably the most hairless person he had ever met. "Take a seat, Sonny, and I'll finally get you looking less homeless," He said grinning as he pulled out one of the chairs at the table.

Sonny nervously sat down, graciously accepting the towel Joel draped over his shoulders. He could feel his heart beating rapidly. There was nothing in the world he wanted to do less than this. His hair was his shield, his barrier, and Joel was breaking it down. Whether he was doing this on purpose or on accident, Sonny didn't know. His worried eyes flicked up to Joel as he plugged the long blue cord in and stood on Sonny's left side.

"So, I'm just gonna give you a clean cut. Something that will be easy to clean... Less disgusting. You know?" He said, mostly to himself as he clicked the razor on. The grinding, mechanical noise it made gave Sonny goosebumps. Joel positioned it right at Sonny's hairline, and Sonny nearly threw up. "Don't move if you want to keep your ears," Joel said, laughing over the noise of the razor as he began to move it across Sonny's head.

The sound it made as it tore Sonny's long, black hair away was unbelievable. Sonny sat with his eyes clenched shut and teeth gritted and Joel moved along the side of his head, shaving away the hair that had once protected him. His thick curtain was gone on one side, and that horrified Sonny. Heavy, long locks dropped off of the razor and into Sonny's hands. He took one look at the hair before he ripped away from Joel and the razor, crying out as a piece of his scalp was taken with it.

"I don't want to do this, Joel! Let me keep my hair!" He whimpered, tears running down his face as he cried and clutched the locks of hair, "Let me keep it!"

Joel only stared at Sonny, a look of surprise and bewilderment on his face. He clicked of the razor, watching as Sonny shook and cried. "If this is really freaking you out then I can stop," Joel muttered as he laid the razor back on the counter. He sighed, moving closer to Sonny. Even though Sonny didn't want to be touched, Joel very gingerly touched Sonny's head and turned it sideways so he could see how bad the haircut was. "Well, it's not too bad," Joel muttered, brushing away loose hair, "I mean, you don't mind having a side cut, right?"

Sonny only stared at his hands. He let his palms open and the locks fell to the kitchen floor. His hair... His precious hair... He moved away from Joel, dropping the towel from his shoulders as he went into the bathroom. Sonny stopped at the dusty mirror and moved closer, flicking on the light. Where he had once had a long, thick locks, there was only a few centimeters of black hair all the way to the very back. Right above his ear, there was a tiny piece of scalp missing where he had ripped away, and Sonny very carefully to touched it, wincing. He had lost half of his hair....

"Right," Joel spat, answered his own question. He paused, and Sonny could hear Joel moving around the kitchen, attempting to fill the awkward with some sort of movement like he always did. Sonny figured that Joel thought if he just kept moving, he could avoid the terrible, uncomfortable feeling. "You know, if I knew you were going to freak the fuck out, I wouldn't have even done it," He called from somewhere in the kitchen.

"I tried to tell you," Sonny muttered under his breath and much too quiet for Joel to hear. He lowered his head, finally looking away from his missing hair and steadied himself on the sink. He wanted to cry, but he didn't let himself. It was hair... It would grow back. Right?

At that moment, Joel appeared in the doorway. Sonny could feel his eyes on his back before Joel spoke. "I'm really sorry, Sonny," He said, and he honestly sounded remorseful, "Really. I... I didn't mean to hurt you... Or shave half your head."

Sonny raised his head and met Joel's eyes in the mirror. If Sonny had been keeping track, this would probably be the hundredth time he's heard Joel apologize for something stupid he's done. Any other human would have turned Joel away, or they would have turned him away ages ago, but Sonny couldn't. Sonny didn't have another living soul on this world who cared for him, and even though Joel was the biggest jerk in all of Seattle, he knew he would always accept Joel's apologies. He loved Joel.

"It's fine, Joel," Sonny said, running his hand through the shaved side. He still felt sad for a multitude of reasons, but he felt forgiveness, somehow, for Joel. Somehow. Joel knew he was doing things wrong, and that, for Sonny was enough. "I mean," Sonny began, "It will grow back."

"Unless you're like me," Joel said, laughing quietly. He moved behind Sonny and touched the shaved side as well. "I dunno," He continued, watching Sonny's face in the mirror, "I kinda like it. It makes you look... Edgy."

Sonny turned towards Joel, a grin on his face, "You do?"

"Yeah, I mean, you kinda look like like a lesbian, but it's cool," Joel said jokingly. Sonny kept smiling as he stared into the mirror. Joel liked it. To Sonny, that meant more than his own opinion. The teenager smiled and looked away, a slight blush on his cheeks. He wanted to hug Joel then and tell him how much he meant to Sonny. Maybe even tell him what happened, but, like many times before, Sonny stifled his feelings.

"So, what do you wanna do today?" Joel asked, finally looking away from the mirror. He moved back into the kitchen and Sonny followed close behind. "Do you wanna see a movie?"

Sonny had been to the movies with Joel. It had been miserable. The whole time, Joel had thrown popcorn at the other people there and been so loud that Sonny could barely hear the movie. The whole ordeal ended with both Sonny and Joel getting thrown out without a refund.

Sonny shook his head.

Joel thought for a moment as he cleaned up the mess that had been made on the floor, scooping the locks of Sonny's hair into his pale palms and dumping them in the trash. "You don't like to party... Or drink..." He thought for a moment and then rubbed at the sores on his face. Sonny wondered if Joel was thinking about his drugs right now. It must be hard, he figured to not be searching for his fix right now. It made Sonny sad to think about that, so he pushed it away.

"What about... Video games? Do you like those?" Joel questioned, a grin on his pale face.

Sonny suddenly began to smile, his eyes widening. When he was younger, Sonny had received a gameboy from one of his potential Foster families. Sonny had loved his gameboy up until another spiteful child had snapped it in two in a fit of jealousy. "Yeah," Sonny said, the corners of his lips twitching, "I love video games."

"Great! I know a really cool arcade a few blocks from here. I think you'd like it," Joel said, a small smile on his face as he turned away from Sonny, moving into the living room to change clothes. As Sonny stood alone in the kitchen, he thought to himself... Maybe Joel was really changing... Maybe he was rethinking his cruelty and rudeness to Sonny... Just maybe.

Sonny knew he would have to tell Joel of his rape someday, but the teenager decided he was going to put it off as long as he possibly could. Maybe it would be less painful someday.


End file.
